Ignore the Crazy

My Lulu Bird.....

2010-04-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

I just realized that Lu was 4 when I stared this blog. She is now 9. Being 9 means being officially entrenched in tweendom and all the Justin Beiber and girl wars that it encompasses. Girl wars. DON'T GET ME STARTED.

When we moved to our little town a few years ago we were so lucky to be in the school district we landed in. Our very small town has 5 elementary schools. That means that almost everyone who attends school lives within walking distance. It also means that all of our children's' friends live in walking distance. With just two classes for each grade, the kids get to know each other very well. There is a great little group of girls that Lu has been able to befriend over the years, but time works it's magic and I am starting to see factions forming. It is a tough lesson and we might be in for a few rocky years, but it is part of being a kid these days and hopefully she can learn some social skills and practice compassion and what being a true friend means.

Lauren always has been my creative kid. She loves to draw and write and over the years her scribbles have turned into books that she writes for her friends and the kids. She is working on a series of books about Fairies (her current obsession) that are actually pretty funny. She also really likes Baby Mouse and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. At school, she is a math whiz and has been really loving science. Those were not, ahem, my best subjects at school, so she is teaching me these things all over again. I actually enjoy the post dinner quiet time we get each night. We sit at the table while she works on her homework and I work on my ..... blog/peggle score/read Vanity Fair/nails. It gives us a chance to have some catch up time. Derek has started using this time to give Jacob some one on one time that he is really craving right now (more on that later).

Since this blog is both a record for my family and a possible tool for other families who might have families that are like mine (whether it is the adoption issue, the trans racial family issue, or the various special needs of our kids) so they can see what we have done and where we have both failed and succeeded, I am going to chronicle both the challenges and successes that my kids have had with each other and their specific situations.

Lauren is a typical oldest child. She is bossy and she is wildly creative. She is great at assembling the kids to do fun games (last week it was a carnival---complete with tickets and prizes a la Chuck E Cheese). I have very fond memories of my older sister doing the same thing. Most weekends the TV doesn't even come on in our house except for quiet time. She is also a typical oldest child in that she tries to mother all the other kids. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. I must tell her 100 times a day "you are not the mother". I know that when there is an oldest child, especially the oldest child of special needs kids, mom DOES need a little bit of help. One of the (many) reasons we hired a nanny is so that we could preserve Lauren's child time. She deserves to be a kid. Finding myself in a situation with three special needs kids under the age of three was a big adjustment. I have Maria to help me do the things that take more than one set of hands (and since our daddy leaves for work at 4:00 am, her help is invaluable in the mornings that she is here, she can bath the little kids and I can make breakfast, etc.. it makes the mornings so much more manageable).

I still struggle with Lauren swinging between feeling left out and feeling special that she is the "typical" one. I have worked really hard to make sure that when she is home from school (this goes for Jacob too) that I was home. I wanted to be the one that was available for them to do all the mom things. I figured that the little kids needed their basic needs met--food and safety and love. I could share that job with Maria. My big kids needed time with mom. I did this so well, my 2 year old speaks more Spanish than English and will say 'ria and made up a sign for her name, but will not say mamma or sign it. I worked to be sure that none of the therapies were during the times that the kids were home. But we deal in a world where perception is reality and the most words that Lauren flings my way the most often are "You are never here for me, you are always at therapy" I have so far labored under the premise that singing Liar Liar Pants on Fire is not a proper parenting technique. That is where we are today. I have a girl who thinks that she has had to sacrifice too much for her younger siblings.

She is also my worry kid. When she was little, she would lie awake at night and worry about her two big phobias; bears and fire (so, camping is out for us). So, this anxiety is not something new. These days her anxiety covers the basic school stuff, but has branched out to things like "am I going to have to take care of the kids when you die?" and "what is going to happen if Jacob keeps getting angry and the police come", etc. The sad part is that some of these things are not unrealistic worries. We are working with her art therapist to help her express some of these worries and figure out ways to help her not take too many of these things upon herself.

I know that the experiences that she has as part of our family will serve her well for the rest of her life. I think that being the sister of Jacob, Norah and Gracie will teach her things that, as a mother, I couldn't teach. I think she will learn skills that will help her be a better friend, a better employee and a better mother someday. I hate that it comes at the expense of her carefree days. I have deep regret that for the last few years it has taken every thing that Maria, her dad and I had to keep this boat afloat. That for the last few years we have literally had to schedule our time months in advance and juggle therapists and classes and general discouragement and fatigue. I know that some of it was at the expense of her, even though we tried very hard for it not to be. That is life. I am not one of those moms that feels guilt over lots of stuff, and I don't really have much guilt over this either. We did the best we could for the situation we were in and I think we did a pretty good job overall. But I won't say that there wasn't a trade off. And that is what make me frustrated. I just hope it balances out in the end.

Hijinks....

2010-04-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

Any April Fools hi jinks in your houses today? April Fools gets a lot more fun when you have big kids in the house. Today we have had:

-- hard boiled eggs for breakfast (they were filled with confetti--and then kids had lots of fun breaking them over their heads)

-- saran wrap on the toilet (though, the joke is on me because guess who is going to clean it all up?)

--dollar bills wrapped in the toilet paper

-- the mandatory "Guess what? There is no school today" bit

--food coloring in the bottom of the cereal bowl, then cereal. When they poured milk on it all of the milk turned a different color (one child was convinced it would give him super powers....)

--A tall glass of icy diet coke that was really filled with mostly prune juice (I just wanted to see who was sneaking sips, and it was exactly who I thought it was) When I asked him if it tasted weird he told me that it was the most delicious Diet Coke he has ever had (note to self: remove the saran wrap before the prune juice kicks in)

--Mashed potato ice cream cones are on the agenda for after school (you can freeze the scoops of potato in the cone and put magic shell on them, for extra evil) as well as snow cones with salt (it is warm here today).

I might think of a few more, but so far this day has been successful. The one kid who has been the most and easily fooled has been the most fun to watch. Coincidentally, he is the one that gives me the most grief.

Revenge really is a dish that is best served cold (with Magic Shell).

She turned 2! Try and resist the cuteness.....

2010-03-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

It is going to take everything I have in me not to turn this into a blog simply about Grace. I realize that I do have three other kids, but she is just so fun and sweet and changing every day. I can't help it. She is also the only one that doesn't sass back yet, I doubt that is a coincidence.

P.S. We often forget that she is "different" than our other kids. But in other ways, I just chalk up some of her physical stuff up to the extra chromosome. In these pictures she looks EXACTLY like Lu did at this age. The sausage roll arms, the patchy, mullet white hair, the little button nose..... I have to remember that genetics plays a larger role than the Down Syndrome. You would absolutely pick the two of them out as sisters.

Weekend Review

2010-03-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

You never know what is going to happen at our house on the weekend. Take for example this weekend, we managed do quite a few things that we have been trying to check off our list for a long time.....

Make armor to protect from marauding raiders:

CHECK

Extort money from neighborhood children by charging

enormous amounts of money for shaved ice and sugar water:

CHECK

Get Gracie started on her future caffeine addiction.

Look at that face...Drinky McDrunkerson!

CHECK

Stage a Kabuki play.

CHECK! (What? You don't do Kabuki at your house?)

Get the kids started working off their indentured servitude:

CHECK

Start their performance art training.

CHECK (we call this one "Crazy boy on Blanca Amiga)

It feels really good to get those things finally taken care of. Stuff like that can eat at you if you don't get right on top of it. SOMEONE is going to sleep well tonight.

Wheee...

2010-03-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks for leaving all those comments folks. It was the best adult interaction I have had all week.

Since it is has been more than a year since we had a post and closer to two since I posted anything really substantial, I better do the dreaded catch up. The short versions is : had a baby, therapy, therapy, therapy, laundry, therapy, therapy, sleep, laundry, dishes, church, therapy, birthday party, therapy, therapy, new therapy, new diagnosis, therapy, school, got a dog, therapy, therapy, therapy, get kicked out of school, therapy, therapist quits, therapy. :-) While it might seem like all of that therapy was for me (don't kid yourself, some of it was), it was mostly for the kids. We have the basic cocktail of therapist for each of them. Norah gets Speech, Occupational and Physical therapy twice a week,as well as Early Intervention classes and evaluations. Gracie got the same thing. Jacob gets sensory therapy, behavior modification and social skills classes and talking therapy.

I also have therapy (I eat a good restaurants with my friends and occasionally buy a new book for the Kindle and lock myself in my car to read........best therapy ever. That and my prescription drug addiction...... HA! got you! That would mean more therapy and I am afraid that there is just not enough time for that kind of an addiction). To top it all off, my nine year old has recently started showing some signs of stress and frustration being the oldest of all these kids and (in her words) "It is so hard to be the different one in the family". I guess if you are the only "typical" kid in a family of "special" kids, you feel left out if you don't also have a therapist. So we got her one (ssh, don't tell her, it is really an art teacher who is studying to get a degree in art therapy -- so they do one on one art classes and talk about how to manage the things that stress her out). Only in my family right?

We have't yet told the kids that all this therapy is coming out of their college funds, so they better REALLY listen to all these therapist and figure out how to get a scholarship to college (well, after they figure out how to do things like walk and draw a line that crosses the mid-line--therapy mom's...AM I RIGHT? Is it the freaking midline that is stumping anyone elses kids???.......)

I bet you forgot how much I like to write in parenthesis. I kind of did too, so I will try and cut it out. I am afraid that this blog is going to become even more stream of consciousness than before. There isn't a whole lot of time to craft a post and reread things (and this new fangled spell check? That is for sissys). At this point, as long as my unedited typing doesn't contain any swear words, we are good.

That is it for me today. I am off to take Cubby to................... ice skating lessons. I bet you thought I was going to say therapy, huh? Well, sometimes our 5 year olds just really want to ice skate. Keeping you on your toes. That is how we roll around here.

I'll do an update on the kids over the next few days. I love to see who is reading so leave a comment if you haven't already. I need to get some new blogs on my "must read" list. You know, for all the times I lock myself in the car (thank you iPhone). Its therapy.

Also, admit it, that picture of Gracie at the top kind of makes you believe in Santa. Just a little bit.

So, if a post is written on a dead blog....

2010-03-25T22:37:00.001-07:00

and no one reads it, is it really a post or just an elaborate conversation with myself?

I am testing the waters out here in blog land. I am thinking about writing again. Mostly because there is a huge chunk missing in the amount of proof that we will have to show the kids about how much we recorded their early years. And also because I want to post one million pictures of Gracie. EVERY DAY. She is the cutest and best child in the world and I cannot seem to stop talking about her..........

Anyway, I am going to give this thing a shot again. I kind of miss my friends out there.

Anyone with me?

2009-02-23T21:11:00.000-08:00

So. Our family has been sick for a long, long time.

I believe that the throwing up started Christmas Eve and we haven't had a fully healthy family since then. It is almost comical. Everyone will seem on the upswing and three seconds later someone has a river of green coming out their nose. We actually all made it to church one week and it was announced as the "happy minute moment". I am not embellishing at all when I say that about 20 minutes after I got home from church I had a sore throat and was so sick I couldn't get out of bed for several days. Who ever gets that sick anymore? We even got Maria sick. I think it might have been strep, but I didn't get myself to the doctor to see. In about 10 days I could swallow again and found myself 10 pounds lighter for my troubles. We just finished a round of coughs and colds and the little girls have not been in therapy for two weeks (we went back today, but big sister has a 104 fever and is bed bound with the flu. I sure hope she shares it with ALL the kids..).

The point of all this is not to whine about how we have been so sick. It has actually provided a refreshing change of pace for us. It has been like a vacation-with snot. I was laughing with a friend about how the kids must be spreading each others germs. We wondered if they were licking each others noses in the middle of the night or spitting in the bottles. Then today I randomly walked into the bathroom today and found Jacob. With his head in the toilet. With his head in the toilet as if he was bobbing for apples. Luckily it wasn't apples he had in there, just the hair brushes, the lotion bottle and everything else you put your hands on in the bathroom.

So, while I joked about the funny ways my kids could be infecting each other, never in my wildest dreams did I think that my germophobe son (heaven forbid there be a hair in the bathtub or that he get his hands STICKY) was marinating the downstairs bathroom in bog water. I can't even think about it. I am trying to find the humor in this, but right now I am too busy cloroxing every hard surface in the house.

I am beyond asking the question "why" (and just in case you are curious, the answer I got was "I don't know") I just want to know what kind of thoughts lead up to the point where the end result is to dunk your head in the toilet. We may never know.

I can't decide to call this a good day or a bad day. Good days generally aren't applicable if anything unusual with a toilet has been involved.

I think I will sleep on it.

*Update. After a reasonable night's rest and an episode of "The Bachelor--The Women Tell All". I have concluded that it was a GOOD day. If you are familiar with my wild man Cubby, you know that this is nothing. It didn't involve poison, sharpies, stitches or police..... What a GOOD day!!!

** Update/Update. I just remembered that a few days ago while we were visiting my in-laws for dinner, Cubby bounded into the dining room with a bunch of rat traps in his arms. The old fashioned kind that spring shut (like in the cartoons). I have no idea how he didn't hurt himself (and also, ewwww). That would have involved poison, stitches, broken bones AND the police (after we go three or four times in a year we have to meet with the hospital social worker--because, honestly, who has to go the ER as much as we do?).

**Update/Update/Update. I have had a few query's about the silhouettes. I did them in about 4 seconds in Photoshop. It is super easy. Want one? Check back in a few days. I'll post a tutorial for those who have Photoshop and how to get one from me for those that don't. It will involve a small charitable contribution of your choosing.

Just don't rock the boat....

2009-02-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

I have had several inquiries recently asking how I am doing. My lack of blogging has annoyed some people (sorry mom) and worried others. Since the last time I took a big, unannounced blogging break was during the DARK TIME it is a fair concern.

Actually, things are fine. Better than fine, they are awesome. They are doing so well that I have to pinch myself to believe it. In fact, I think that was half the problem. I have been on such an even keel I don't want to do ANYTHING to mess that up. It is like my life is a ship that is packed to the absolute top and we are cruising along at top speed. Everything is fine unless someone upsets the balance. Is that to vague of an analogy? I guess what I am trying to say was that trying to do extra things like blogging, reading or taking a shower (kidding, kind of) puts me off my game.

But, since my baby is almost one (next month, don't remind me..I can't stand it) it is time to re shift the boat. Derek even bought me a laptop so I could update this site regularly while I am in my car or waiting at doctor appointments. I will put up a bunch of pictures to show the relatives that my children are not just alive, but growing and thriving and hope that will buy me some mercy.

I am back.

This girl is HEAVEN. I absolutely cannot get enough of her. There will be lots of Gracie posts soon. Recently what I can't get over is how much like Lulu she is, except the whole "scratching her head with her own foot" thing. She continues to delight the children with her party tricks.

Miss N is a little girl now, there is no toddler left. She is walking, running and talking (heaven help us can she talk). When I see this picture I am struck by how beautiful she is (and how awesome my braids were....). Nosi is still globally delayed, but spends most of her time acting like a 2 1/2 year old. We are also seeing more and more of ...

... this face. Good times ahead.

This guy? Not much has changed. He continues to be charming and funny and is getting less destructive by the day. We are not sending him to Kindergarten this year (he is right on the cusp) so he has another year in preschool to refine his stand up act and practice all the funny faces to make his teacher crazy. Lucky her!

Lauren is too grown up for me. She chooses her own clothes, has opinions about her hair and is generally a great helper and sister. I was looking at pictures of her the other day and realized that my tiny girl is gone. I didn't even notice that the new big girl Lulu had replaced her. Gulp.

There is a tidbit. I am working on some more posts. I am also going to start posting about the progress of Miss Gracie. I have talked to some parents who also have children with Down Syndrome and we were saying how there are only a few blogs that really give people some concrete insight into what it is like to raise our kids. We need these kinds of blogs, not for everyone, but for every family that finds out prenatally that their child has Down Syndrome and is trying to figure out what to do. Or, for the family that finds out at birth and feels overwhelmed with understanding just how exactly their lives are going to change. There needs to be more places where they can see what the developmental delays entail, how the therapies work in the context of family life. Mostly I just hope to show any one who reads here that having a child with Down Syndrome is both the biggest deal in the world and no big deal all at the same time. So many of these pregnancies are terminated and I just think that if people KNEW how easy it is to parent and love these kids, they would have just that much more information to add to their decision basis.

We are off to do something fun this weekend. What are your plans?

Mom, I need to be a rockstar....

2008-10-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

Those were his exact words to me. In fact, they have been his words for the last six months. This boy has been BEGGING for a guitar for his birthday ("a REAL one mom..."). I won this guitar in the Nie Nie Day auction (thanks Oh Judy and the guys at Maroon 5!!!). No, I am not letting him carry this one around the house (for that, he gets the 30$ Target guitar, which is a good thing since I saw him hitting baseballs with it today....). But, I DID give him this one. He is obsessed with it and always asks me to hold it. He even knows how to shake his money maker while holding it. First things first.

After he opened it, he told me that he needs to find some other "big boys" and get on a stage and "sing like Rock Stars......" and then he proceeded to sing "Slow Ride" by Foghorn. You know, the one from Guitar Hero. Granted, his whole guitar exposure is from Guitar Hero (this is also where his exposure to swear words is from, ahem.....).

I think we might have a rock star on our hands.....

This one is for you, Pippin...

2008-10-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

It seems like every day I think of something to write about. I have these great posts written in my head and then by the time I actually get in front of a computer, poof, they are gone. Then I give up and go to bed. Makes for a great blog. I am DETERMINED to blog more. I miss it. I need it.

I promised the Baked Potato Soup recipe and Pippin reminded me of that...so here you go. I am also getting some Design Mom traffic (Hi Design Mom readers!!!) because she linked me and I want them to have something interesting to read.. One thing you should know about me is that I don't measure things very precisely. That is why I stink at baking. I also tend to talk out recipes instead of just listing them. So, hang in there with the explanation, the end result is worth it.

Baked Potato Soup

I got this recipe from one of my favorite people, Miss Suzi J,who refuses to have a blog or comment on one. That is probably a good thing because she is really talented and would kick all our blogging behinds....

This soup is a basic roux with lots of good things added in. Add what you want, in the amount you want. The only thing that is really fixed is the roux. So here is the basic ratio. This can be a base for ANY cream soup. I usually plan on one cup of soup per person, so if you want to feed 8, use 8 cups of milk, 8 T Butter and 8 T flour, etc....

ROUX:

1 T Flour

1 T Butter

1 cup liquid (usually milk, or half milk and half stock. Or use all cream....just don't use all stock or non fat milk. There needs to be some fat in it to make it creamy).

Melt the butter in a large stock pot. Add flour and stir for about 2 minutes. This will cook the flour slightly and take away the raw taste. Add the liquid one cup at a time and whisk until smooth. That is it. This will thicken after simmering for about 15 minutes.

The thing that makes this taste like a baked potato is that there are, wait for it, baked potatoes in it. If you do this step ahead of time, this is a very fast meal to throw together.

6-10 med to large baking potatoes

Bake the potatoes in the microwave or oven. When they are fully cooked and cooled enough to handle, scoop out the insides. Mash or mix up so that most of it is in bite sized pieces (but not too small, it will break down a bit). I will bake a whole bag and then scoop them and freeze them. They freeze really well. One or two bags gets us through the whole season...

Add the potatoes to the roux. If you let this simmer a long time, the starch in the potatoes will continue to thicken the soup. This is fine. You can adjust by adding more liquid later. You can control the consistency.

Bacon

Onion

Garlic

Shredded Cheese

8 oz Sour Cream

At this point I also add bacon or ham. If you use ham, be aware that it will be quite salty and you will not need to salt this soup. I usually buy bags of already cooked and crumbled bacon at Costco and add a bunch. I also will cook up some onions and garlic in another pan (or if you are really lazy, do it in the 'melt the butter" phase of the roux) and add that too. You can even add carrots, corn, etc, etc. The sky (and the adventurousness of you kids) is the limit.

Right before you are ready to serve the soup, add a handful of shredded cheese (I use white cheddar b/c I like the soup to stay white and not get yellow-ish, but I am crazy like that). Any hard cheese will work; cheddar, mozzarella, jack, Gouda, etc, etc. Add the sour cream at this point too. Give it a stir and you are ready to go!

I serve this with bows of bacon, sour cream and cheese on the side so you can top it any way you want. This soup gets lots of compliments. People ask for the recipe and then have a heart attack when they see it has about a half a pound each of sour cream, butter and cheese in it!! For our family of six, I usually do 8 T of butter, 8 T of flour and 8 cups of liquid w/ about 2 cups of cheese and 2 cups of crumbled bacon. I like my soup thick w/ big chunks of potato in it. This is enough too feed us and give us several lunches worth of left overs.

Enjoy!

Guest posting today....

2008-09-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

Come check out my post at Light Refreshments Served today ( http://lightrefreshmentsserved.com/) . They asked me to write about my experience with the Deaf culture. Long before I was the lady who knew all about adoption, trans-racial families and Down Syndrome, I was the lady that knew sign language. Not just any signed language, I knew BRITISH Sign Language. A language that is TOTALLY different than American Sign Language and is pretty much useless if you don't live in the UK. I served a mission for my church in the UK learning and using British Sign Language. In our church you don't choose where you go, you just sign up (missions are optional; girls go when they are 21 and boys fo when they are 19). You often don't know much about where you are going beyond the fact that it will be an adventure and you are willing to do your best. For more information about what missions are, you can go to http://www.mormon.org/.

I shared a few mission experiences, but there were MANY more that I couldn't share in the short amount of space that I had over there. Here are some more things that I DIDN'T share:

--how the sign for "very" is quite similar to the sign equivalent of the "F" word. More than one missionary thought they were saying that they were "very, very" something or another and really were saying that they were "f*@&ing f*@*#ing" something. Poor missionaries, but unintentional swearing is almost ALWAYS funny.

--one time we thought that we had a really solid baptism. We had taught the lessons to a deaf gentleman (and it had taken him over a year to decide to get baptised). He was so happy on his baptism day, he bought us a statue of the Virgin Mary (not something that we worship in our dogma) and told us how happy he was to be a "Catholic Mormon". Something clearly hadn't quite sunk in somewhere along the way.

--the sign for "baptised" looks very similar to the sign for "bury". We usually got a quick "NO" when we asked people if they wanted to be baptised. They thought we were asking if they wanted to be buried on a certain date. Frankly, I would say no to that too. People must have thought we were c-r-a-z-y.

--On the same vein, when I lived in East London, we would knock doors and ask people if they knew anyone who was Deaf. More than once we were sent to a house where someone had recently died (and once during the actual wake!!!). Then we realized that the East London accent has folks usually drooping the "th" sound for an "f" or 'v" sound. So, they thought were asking for someone who was DEATH. Apparently in East London they don't bother much with grammar either (because that clearly makes no sense either). I am surprised we didn't get more than strange looks.

--I met my husband while we were both missionaries. We didn't date each other out there (missionaries don't date while serving..well, they aren't SUPPOSED to....). We got reacquainted when we got home, but now I have to forever tell people that is how we met and then explain that missionaries really don't date, but that we met later, etc, etc, etc.

--I still use BSL to this day (that us why at the beginning of this post I said it is ALMOST useless if you don't live in the UK). There is a family in Palo Alto that moved to the US from England and they are deaf. When I see them in Walmart (always in Walmart) they sign with me in BSL. I am getting rustier and rustier as time goes by, but if I want to brush up, I can just head for Walmart and at some point I will see them. Weird, but true.

--I never taught my kids sign. Even with all the baby sign craze ("It's Signing Time with Alex and Leah" anyone? anyone?), I just didn't do it. I guess I was too lazy. The irony? The whole family needs to learn sign now b/c we will use it with Gracie. Kids with Down Syndrome have a harder time learning to talk and often ASL is a good bridge for them. So it is a matter of getting the big kids (and husband) up to speed so we can talk with her as she learns to talk.

Writing that post got me thinking about mission stories. I have a few more I can pull out of my hat, but I am going to go clean out Lauren's room. It is time for the Last Resort again in our house...... dum, dum, dum.......

Happy Monday to you too......

2008-09-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

This is our new 8 year old. I love how all the pictures after 2nd grade have awesome snaggle tooth smiles. We took some pictures on the day of Lauren's baptism. She wanted to do a "model" shoot, so we have lots of pictures that SHE loves, but not exactly the kind that we put on the mantle. I can't wait to show them to her when she is about....16.

We had our first autumn meal today. Baked potato soup and homemade bread (don't get too excited, I still stink at bread, this was the box mix..but it worked!) On Monday's Lu comes to the grocery store with me and helps me to do the weekly shopping. She gets to decide what we have for dinner and helps me make it and usually the dessert. She made pumpkin pie tonight. Everyone hated it. Strike pumpkin pie from the Thanksgiving table for the next 25 years (that just leaves more room for pecan...).

I have been listening to the soundtrack of Rent these days. How did I miss this the first time around? I am not embarrassed to say that I LOVE show tunes. Hand me a soundtrack and I will learn it, sing it and teach it to my children (Lu had the entire Chicago soundtrack memorized by age 2). So, the summer of '08 is the summer of Rent. I think that the fall will be ..... hmmm.... Into the Woods........ my kids love that one...

What I did(n't) do this Summer

2008-09-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

Sweet, sweet Friday.

A few days ago the weather turned (it will turn back in a few weeks. It is a trick that autumn likes to play on us, but she usually waits until we have put all the summer clothes away). We have been having really hot, heavy weather here and a few days ago we woke up to that cold smell in the air. You know how sometimes 65 degrees in the spring will have warm undertones and the promise of warm weather to come? In the fall, it is the same 65 degrees but it feels like there is a snap in the air and everything just feels more pumpkin-y.

Every week has been busier than the rest. I keep waiting for things to settle down, but they don't seem to, so I am changing my mindset to just think that this is the way it will be. I guess that is OK. I am keeping iTunes in business with all the podcasts and books on tape that I buy. I am spending so much time in the car, I actually have a pillow and blanket in there so I can catch a snooze while the kids are in various meetings. Buying a minivan was the best money spent EVER. We were able to switch a few of the girls appointments around. I used to have to drive home during rush hour after attending a class with Norah. It took me 60-90 minutes to travel a grand total of 16 miles. Now I have that class in the morning. I can't say enough about how wonderful the caseworkers, teachers and Early Development staff have been. The are bending over backwards to accommodate us because we have the two kids in the program. I have seen them do it for other people too. What a blessing this center is to us.

I have had some interesting comments, conversations and requests from some readers. This made me so happy--because it means I still have readers! Hurrah for comments and readers! Several people have asked what I feel about Sara Palin (I was even interviewed for the newspaper--but I didn't get put in the article b/c I don't think that I was the kind of mother he was looking for. Note to newspaper reports, Mormon does NOT equal evangelical. We are similar in many ways, but not quite the same...). I have a post about that. I also had an interesting experience that helped me come to a more healthy place about Miss Grace. I had a reader contact me. This reader and I have a LOT in common. We each have three kids (one bio and two adopted, black kids--one of whom has some development issues). She found out that she was having another bio child and early tests came back showing a higher than normal possibility of Down Syndrome. She contacted me to ask me some questions and in the process of emailing her, I was able to figure out some things that have crept up on me. I don't mean to do this as a tease, but I just wanted to get this down so I don't forget.

Right now I must go and do battle with my house. I decided to skip taking Jacob to preschool today (45 minute drive there, both the girls hanging out in the park with me for three hours on a blustery day, no thanks). I have laundry and dishes to do, fridges to clean, closets to straighten, beds to make, hair to do (mine and Norah's), children to spend time with, etc, etc, etc. I have a feeling that I will only get one or two things on the list accomplished. That's OK. It is nice to have a down day around here.

Hope you all have a great Friday. I will leave you with a piece of homework I found in Lauren's backpack today.

What I did this Summer (this is word for word--spelling intact)

This summer I went swiming and spent a day at my fierd Cameron he's so nice he has a 1st grade brother and a 3 year old brother named Ryly and 1 year old sister named kaly and I never got to go to the beach.

I like to read.

Hmmm. Glad you had so much fun with Cam, Lauren. I guess all that time/energy/money we spent visiting Utah, going to museums, playing with friends, attending fun parties, throwing fun parties, getting baptized, going to the Giants games, playing tennis, summer camp,etc, etc could have all been saved. I guess if we had just PROMISED to do all those things and then NOT done them, the last part of her first paragraph could have been longer. I am going to keep this and wrap her wedding present in it. :-)

Ah ha!

2008-09-09T23:04:00.000-07:00

I managed to capture on film the moment that Ace realized her toes and feet were ATTACHED to her body.

This is our latest and still greatest party trick. As far as Lu is concerned, if having Down Syndrome means being able to do this, she is IN!

Her name is Norah, but you can call her Dobby

2008-09-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

I uploaded pictures the other day and I found this series of photos. I did not take them.

Someone in my house likes to clean the fridge,

and wash the eggs (????),

and take pictures of herself doing it (so she can get the credit, I suppose).

OR, just one more reason why our nanny Maria is worth her weight in gold. SHE forces the children to work (apparently) while I am away.

I have yours boxed up and ready to ship.

Why we love IKEA

2008-09-09T22:19:00.001-07:00

Ice Cream and free babysitting...

Yes please.

Nie Nie Day...

2008-08-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hi friends and family,

Many of you have heard the news about Stephanie and Christian Nielson who were injured in a plane crash a few weeks ago. Stephanie is the author of the famous Nie Nie blog (http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/). Over the years she has shared with us some amazing pictures, a sweet soul and some pretty awesome food! She makes mothering seem just a little bit more special and a lot more adventurous than it seems in my house. Their recovery will be long and expensive. Gabby at Design Mom (http://www.designmom.com/ ) encouraged anyone that has read or known Nie Nie to find something, anything, to auction off on their blog. All proceeds will go to the Nie Nie Recovery Fund. So, Thursday is Nie Nie day and I am doing my part. I only have one small thing to auction off, but if you go to http://www.designmom.com/ you will find a list of all the wonderful things that the blog world has to offer for sale. Everything from homemade crafts to concert tickets. The goal is to open your checkbook and help raise money for their recovery fund. They have four small children that are being cared for by relatives until Stephanie and Christian are well enough to come back home (it will be many, many months before this can happen).

The whole Internet has been alive with news about this wonderful family. The accident happened while we were in Utah and I have not been up to date on this blog about the developments. If you haven't heard of any of this yet (or if you just want to cry big, fat, sloppy tears of happiness and gratitude) visit the blog of her sister at http://www.cjanerun.blogspot.com/ . This is where you will find everything there is to know about the amazing Neilson family. I first met Stephanie when she was only 10 or 11 years old. My best friend married her brother and for the last decade I have had the privilege of watching the Clark family in action. They were remarkable people before, but they are even more remarkable now. I am so proud of all of them as I watch them come together and embrace the needs and changes that are happening. I wish I could do more.

My auction is for this print. It is titled "Waiting". If you have followed Nie Nie's blog (or checked CJane's) you will know that it was a tradition in the Neilson family to let off balloons on special occasions with wishes written on them. Last Saturday, friends and family across the world did this in honor of them. When I saw this print at Sara Jane Studios Etsy shop, I knew that I wanted to get it. Not only does this young girl look like she could BE Stephanie (retro dress and all) but she has the balloon and is looking into the future. It seems very fitting for this auction. I have been a HUGE fan of Sara Jane for a long time and own several of her prints. She is also having a sale at her Etsy shop, so check her out at http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5317715 . The following is the description of the item:

--This illustration was drawn with pencil on paper, then digitally colored.

--Image measures 7x9" printed on 8 1/2x 11" paper, leaving a margin perfect for framing.

--Printed myself on gorgeous Hahnemuhle Museum Etching Paper: 350 gsm, Natural White, 100% rag, acid free, no brighteners; printed with archival pigment inks.

--These prints are lovely!All prints are shipped in a cellophane sleeve pieces of with a plastic panel for added support.

--I send my prints off to their happy new home within 1-3 days of payment.

--This print will come signed and dated in the lower right hand corner.

How this silent auction works:

--Please place your bid by leaving a comment with your Bid Amount in the comments section of this post.

--Following the close of the auction, the winner will pay for their item via the Stephanie and Christian PayPal account (access it via CJane's blog--I can't figure out how to put the button on here).

--The winner will then forward the PayPal receipt email to rebeccakbingham@yahoo.com with their mailing address. I will then have Sara Jane send the print directly to you.

--Please bid in increments of one dollar.

--The auction will end at Midnight (Your Time Zone) on Sunday, August 31.

Happy Bidding!!!

Also up for auction...

--My undying gratitude, manifested by my never asking you to babysit my kids.

--Household services (as long as you come to my house to get them and I can do them in between running the littles all over town..and that they don't take longer than 20 minutes. Oh and not ironing, I hate doing that).

--the best birth control money can buy (also known as 4 hours with my kids after a sleepless night--preferably during teething season). Just imagine it now, you can comb out Norah's hair while she screams "MINE" all the live long day (isn't age 2 a treat?), Jacob will tease the girls and hit things with sticks and Lu will be her typically cute, but bossy boots, 8 year old self. (I am not saying that I don't love my kids, I am just saying that after a day with them I can feel my ovaries shrink). Notice that I left Gracie out of this package deal. If I let you have her for any amount of time you would want to run out and have triplets with Down Syndrome. She is THAT yummy).

That print isn't looking so bad any more, eh? ;-)

Summer Vacation..

2008-08-15T08:05:00.001-07:00

Words cannot express how happy I am that school is about to start. There will be no more fighting (at least during school hours) with the big kids and I can have a schedule again. I finally get why moms dread the dog days of summer. For me, it is because my children turn into dementors. They pretty much have sucked the joy out of all things fun this summer (I like them still, but seriously???? ).

We are going to have another summary post because I am very lazy. AND, I never get on the computer anymore and I just want to get a #*$&@ laptop and be done with it already. I want my blogging life back.

--We have our new nanny Maria. She is AN. ANGEL. STRAIGHT. FROM. HEAVEN. I worried about the expense and drama of having someone in our home all the time while I was here (some of the time). She is awesome. It is like having a smarter, more patient version of myself here with the kids. When I am running around trying to be the kids fed so we can get out the door, she has the time to help Norah (and at some point, Grace) practice the things she needs to learn how to do on her own; walking, dressing herself, going down the stairs, using a fork, etc, etc. I have seen SUCH changes in Norah already. She is confident and sassy. She is not a baby anymore (and as Maria told me on about day four "you must stop doing everything for her and stop treating her like a baby"). I am so proud of Norah and how hard she is working. I watch Maria turn every single experience during the day into a learning lab. Me too. Sometimes Maria deals with the big kids and I do the littles. All day long there is an internal dialogue running through my mind and it goes something like this "who can I make this activity help Norah practice her gross motor/fine motor/social/cognitive/speech skills?" All day long. It is work, but it is also WORKING.

--Grace is so cute and happy. She has a special face that is reserved only for her father (or, in her world, the bringer of all things wonderful). It is a sight to behold. It is almost like her face will split in half because she is so happy. I am still dealing with my issues over her life and future but have gotten to the point where her Down Syndrome is so much a part of who she is that while I still wish I could change it, there is the fact that changing that would change who she is because it is part of who she is...and I like here just how she is now. Confusing? Yes.

--Jacob has finally, finally mastered the potty. He has also mastered riding a bike with no training wheels. I really didn't think those things would happen in the same month, but this kid always surprises me. He also just figured out the whole "I am sick, can I have a Popsicle/candy/stay up later" thing. Good boy. I am always amazed and thrilled to see how gentle and kind he is with the little girls, especiall Norah. The other day he came in to tell me that she had taken her diaper off. He was very quick to follow up with "Mom, it was an accident. Don't get mad at her, just take a sticker off her chart, don't get mad mom". For the record, I don't get mad when NORAH takes her diaper off, but I do get mad when JACOB decides to take his big boys off and use the backyard as a bathroom.

--Lu has an opinion on what she wears. There is an excellent chance that anything I like, she will hate and vice versa. We had quite a time finding a dress for her baptism (for all you non LDS readers out there...in our church kids are baptized at age 8 and some families get a special "sort of nicer than a normal church dress" dress for their kids. Our main difference is that she wanted to look like a street walker (in the sweetest 8 year old way) and I wanted her to look 5. We finally found something that both of us liked, and by that I mean it had sleeves and no rhinestones and was longer than her knees. For her that meant she chose the color and it was the one dress that fit my standards but I liked the least. We both win/lose. Good times ahead for this mama and daughter team. I need to fortify myself before I will even think of school shopping with her.

--Derek has been working hard. It is a blessing to have work that he loves and does so well, but I had forgotten how it used to be. He used to put in these kind of hours all the time. Now it is the odd week or two, but still. I am thankful for his hard work and how well he takes care of our family. It isn't easy to pay attention to all the kids, help me out and do the things needed around the house all on 3-4 hours of sleep. But he manages to do it and I am very, very thankful for that. I am also thankful for the thousands of times when it would be so easy to snap at the kids (because after all, he is tired too and has put in a full 8 hours of work by lunch time) but instead he almost always puts on a patient face and listens to them (because seriously... they want to say more in the last 5 minutes of the day than in the rest of the day put together). Just when I think I can't hear ONE MORE Sponge Bob quote, he saves the day and acts interested. He sees them so little each day that it isn't OK for him to be short with them. It isn't technically ok for me to be short with them either, but they get other interaction with me all day long. He gets that and is really, really good about it.

--Me..... I am busy, busy, busy. Shocking, right? Mostly I am just spending my time taking children to doctors, therapists, preschool and trying to fill the needs of all my kids. I am tired. I can do this, but it might take more Diet Coke than normal. I am thankful for the DVD player in the minivan that lets the kids watch their kids stuff while I listen to things like books on tape and NPR..things that make me feel like my mind is still KIND OF working. I am meeting lots of really cool people that I might not have crossed paths with if I wasn't doing all the stuff for the little girls. I am very thankful for that.

We are off to Utah for a visit with friends and family in just a few hours. We have a few birthdays, two anniversaries and some hard core catching up to do while we are gone. I am looking forward to having my mom pay attention to my kids, teaching Lu to water ski, sleeping in, eating at Dairy Keen, celebrating my 11th anniversary and eating at Training Table this week (I am seeing a food theme....).

Happy End of Summer to you all! See you in a few weeks.

Gratuitious Acie photo...

2008-07-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

These cheeks KILL me...

Guess who is rolling over? Guess who is totally on target developmentally on the typical kids timeline? I know that things will change soon, but we have a very strong little girl here. MUCH stronger than Norah ever was....

Two years later, part two...

2008-07-24T18:50:00.001-07:00

Her two year old photo shoot. I know, I know, the theme song of "Shaft" is running through my head too. She is a total Foxy Brown in the is outfit....

Look Grandma, this is WALKING!!! That is right internet, we have a walker!

So, when we left off last time we had just met our little girl for the first time. Awww, sweet. We are going to fast forward a months. Let me assure you that we spent LOTS of time with Norah's family before they went home to the Bahamas. We even heard Grandpa preach a very feisty sermon as a guest preacher at a church in SLC... Her mom, T didn't want us to have a picture of her (boo) but I am sure that in this internet age we will find one someday to show Norah....... I am so thankful for the time we had with them. It was important for me to feel some sort of connection with them so that someday I could tell Norah about her mom. They named her Hope and we called her Norah Hope. I wanted to name her after Derek's grandmother, whom I was very close to. Norah's names represent some very beautiful and brave women. She will understand that someday.

Norah has always, always, always been a very mellow baby. She was so easy to have around. She slept all the time, she ate like a charm (but always was really tiny--she wore her preemie clothes for almost five months). This started out as kind of a joke, but it wasn't too long before I started to sense that something was different with this girl. Different in the bad way. She seemed really floppy--but we kind of chalked that up to just having had Jacob, who is REALLY, REALLY, FREAKISHLY STRONG. She didn't roll over. She didn't raise her head. She didn't crawl. I remember asking my doctor about it when she was 9 months old. She didn't EVER support her weight on her legs. She didn't even try to crawl. Sitting up was still iffy. I kept asking my doctor about it and they kept telling me to wait until she as 18 months old. That seemed to be the magic age. They don't really worry about not walking or talking until then. As a more experienced mamma, now I know I should have pushed harder, insisted on more, but I just didn't know. Her 18 month mark hit right as I found out about Grace and all her potential issues..and those appointments didn't get made as quickly as they should have.

So here we are at two with a girl that has made SO MUCH PROGRESS, but is still very behind. Unlike Grace, Norah doesn't have a diagnosis beyond "failure to thrive". That means she is tiny and doesn't put on weight, she doesn't hit her developmental goals on time and needs help in at least 4 of the 6 developmental areas. These are 1) Language and Communication, 2) Concept Development and Pre-Academics, 3) Social and Emotional Development, 4) Gross Motor (e.g., sitting, walking, running), 5) Fine Motor (e.g., manipulating small objects, toys), and 6) Self-Help or Adaptive (e.g., feeding and dressing oneself). Check, check and check. So what do we do now?

We finally got the referral for an evaluation and lucked out to have a great social worker. She made sure we went to to the right doctors and did things in the right way. We are now knee deep in the early intervention program where Norah is getting (or will be shortly--those pesky waiting lists...) occupational therapy (there are a few sensory issues), physical therapy (gross motor skills and her hypotonia --that is medical for low muscle tone...), blind babies (not totally sure what that one is yet..some sort of eye therapy for after her surgery next week), speech therapy (self explanatory) and some behavior therapy (she doesn't cope too well..she is pretty much a kid that is either a 0 or 100. There isn't much in between. This leads us to think that she has a hard time transitioning). Good times, huh? I have a strong feeling that by the time she is in kindergarten or thereabouts, she will be all caught up and this will all be a fading memory. I think we will still have to help her find ways of coping with some things, but that is as much a function of her personality as anything else. A mellow, easy going kid just is. Motivation is a tricky one..

With all of that background it would be easy to think of our girl as just a bunch of issues, but it really isn't that way. I record it here for a few reasons, so we remember, so she will know and so others that find my blog and have kids with similar issues can either read about our story and progress or offer info and advice. When you get sucked into the "special needs" world, a whole new set of parenting info, lingo and learning curve takes over your life for a little while. It is always nice to have a network that know what they are doing...

The reality is that life with our little Norah is lots of fun. As I have said, she is my mellow girl, but she is also very good at getting what she wants. She shouted "MINE" at Cubby on her birthday when he tried to take her presents. I don't worry too much about her being bullied. I don't worry about how we will motivate her to want to do things that she doesn't want to do (so far, eating and walking....). She also is my sweet child. She loves to give kisses and has never passed a purse or pair of shoes that she didn't want to try and wear. She has the greatest hair in the world and is so patient while I condition it, brush it, braid it and tug at it. She loves wearing beads and clips now (she calls them her 'pretty girls'). She is is the best playmate because she will both roughhouse with Cubby and play "baby" with Lulu. She is my only child that loves "babies". She was thrust into big sister mode with the arrival of Grace, and maybe not coincidentally, she hit some major milestones not too long after that. She stood for the first time. She consistently used words (my baby--meaning Grace" being the first and most frequent). She is now starting to walk and be interested in potty training and sleeping in a big girl bed. The two year old tantrums are in full swing now too. Since I have done this a few times, I just laugh (and occasionally grit my teeth) and wait them out. She is picking up sign language really quickly. The whole family is learning so we will be ready when Gracie gets a big older. Her favorite signs so far are "cookie", "butter" and "chips". You'd think that with favorite words like that she would love to eat!

Hey! She is an Arrested Development fan so this apple didn't fall TOO far from the tree......

In Norah's world the facial expression above is a full on smile. This girl doesn't give it away.

Her favorite way to swim with Dad....

This isn't just another picture of a half naked baby who insists on wearing goggles... this is one with some actual meat on her bones... you can't see her ribs anymore. Progress!

This is a very rarely seen, rarely captured unguarded smile from my girl. She is usually giving us the sideways look that is half amused/half bored. Like this one below...

After her surgery on Friday, she should be able to see out of both eyes. I have to admit that I will miss her sideways looks, but I will enjoy her being able to use both eyes at the same time MORE (and I will NOT miss patching her... it is like patching a wildcat.... ).

Two years later, the story of Norah...

2008-07-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken today. She ALWAYS wears these goggles, silly girl.

As I sit here and type this I STILL cannot believe that my baby girl is two. TWO! (that is a really weird word if you look at it long enough.. it is one of those that you start to wonder if you spelled it correctly b/c it looks so weird..).

Norah and I when she was 4 days old. Photos by Lucky Red Hen.

Two years ago today I know exactly what I was doing. I had just come home from Africa two weeks before and we decided to start the paper work to adopt from Ethiopia. In the mean time, I called a few agencies and told them that we were home study ready and would be willing to take a newborn that was born BEFORE the end of August (when our dossier would go to Africa) and because of the recent trauma with Cubby's family and the "now we have him/now we don't" experience with JoJo, we weren't interested in having much contact BEFORE the birth but would love, love, love an open adoption AFTER the birth.

Check out that chicken skin on her arms. It still looks that way. These are also my favorite colors to put her in to this day. This was the smallest preemie dress I could find at Walmart the day we brought her home......

--Sidenote for new readers... Cubby's mom asked us to adopt her next baby, who was born 10 months after Jacob. She came to us TOTALLY unsolicited and we agreed. She ended up parenting the baby (a little boy that she named Jojo). She made this choice after we had had Jojo with us for about a week. This decision was fine with us (from the bottom of my heart I have no issues with women who end up parenting, that is wonderful as far as I am concerned...). But it still totally stinks. It hurts and it is hard. There was a lot of trauma involved in our relationship with her at that time. We were baby stepping our way into an open adoption and that is never easy. Other circumstances and choices made things very, very hard between us all this point and very little of it had to do with the fact that she parented..so no flames / Trolls please. Read the archives if you are curious, but I am not interested in your opinion on whether we did the right thing or not. I am over it..... Nevertheless, my heart was still a little tender....

Norah 4 days old, at Oh Judy's house for my impromptu baby shower in Utah with Blog friends...

Getting this kind of a situation is almost unheard of. After all, most expectant parents want to meet you, and if they want an open adoption, they want lots of contact before the birth. We knew that we were making a tall order, but decided to put it out there anyway. Shockingly, 4 days later we had it. The agency told us that a little girl from the Bahamas was due at the first part of September and that the family did not want to choose the parents. They wanted the agency to pick. They wanted a family that was religious, middle aged (ouch), and wanted to the baby to fall somewhere in the middle of the siblings. They preferred black parents, but if that wasn't possible, they wanted other black kids in the family. They wanted no contact at all. They didn't even want to know our names or see our picture or know anything about us. They wanted to have the baby and forget it ever happened. The ladies at the agency felt strongly that the family would change their mind later and want some sort of contact, so they wanted to match with a family that was OK with that. We were.

I love this picture because it shows the bracelet her mom gave her as well as how small she was. the bottle is bigger than her head...

After being matched with Norah's family for one week, her mom and grandparents decided that they wanted to look at profiles of other families after all. The agency called us to tell us that our match was "on hold" and that we should submit a file/letter/photos. I was a little bit sad about this, but I understood. I also strongly feel that it is the better in the end for the expectant mom to have a say in the decision, so I was happy to hear that they were being more realistic about the choice to place this child. I stayed up all night doing our file. That was two years ago tonight. The next morning I was awakened at 6:30 by a phone call from the agency and told to get on a plane because the baby was coming NOW.

We packed in a flurry and took the first plane to Utah (lucky us that Norah's family was in the US.. and my parents were available to help us out). By the time we had landed, tiny 5 pound Norah was already born. She was almost two months early. We took the kids to my parents and waited. According to the agency the family decided that since the baby was born before they could view other files, it must be God's way of telling them that WE were the family. They still seemed set on placing and we just waited. Norah's mom, T, is pretty young. She had her parents with her to help her make these huge decisions. T just wanted to have the baby, never hold her, never look at her and just go home and continue to be a teenager. Her parents (especially her mom, who is about our age) was very adamant about her bonding with her baby, and for this I am very thankful. She truly, truly had T's best interests at heart and it was very clear the she was letting T make the choice, but giving her all the info that she needed. T could have parented if she wanted to, but no illusions were made about how hard it would be. She also knew that "forgetting" it ever happened really wasn't an option. Even though it was the hardest thing she had ever done (we talked about it later), Grandma was willing to watch her daughter (force her, even) bond with her child knowing that it would be terribly painful to place her and go home. She felt it would be better in the end. That is a mother who loves her child.

We waited for two days and then got the call that the papers were going to be signed in a few hours. The agency wanted us to go to the hospital because they really wanted to encourage the family to meet us. If we were close by, it would make it easier to arrange. We checked into a hotel near the hospital and waited. T and her parents were very clear that they did not want to meet us before the papers were signed. Around dinner time, the social workers contacted us to tell us that we had another daughter (and at this point we still hadn't ever seen Norah). She filled us in how the paperwork meeting went and indicated that T's parents wanted to see our file. They might want to meet us. Would we bring our family scrapbook to the hospital and wait downstairs?

N pretty much lived in the sling for the first 6 months. She was so SMALL.

The social worker took our paperwork upstairs. We waited for a few more hours. Eventually they sent down word that they wanted to meet us and up we went. LONGEST ELEVATOR RIDE EVER. I'll never forget the sight of N's grandparents. She looks SO much like them. Grandma was rocking a leopard print muumuu. Yes she was. We visited with Grandma and Grandpa and swapped stories. We had a million questions about T and they were really good at answering them for us and telling us all about their family. I tried to memorize the facts, their accents, their faces. I can't remember how it happened, but at some point they went down to T's room and told her about us and asked if she wanted to meet us. She did.

Norah on her first birthday. She still has the cheeks, the afro and the yummy lips. She is the SPITTING image of her maternal grandmother in this picture.

I will also never forget the first sight of our daughter. T was in the hospital bed holding the SMALLEST human I had ever seen. Norah's tiny face peeked out of her white blanket. She had a full head of black hair and a sweet green bow tied in it. As we walked in, she made a little bit of a sour face, pursed her lips and let us out a yell (a look and sound I am now very, very familiar with) and I had a very strong impression come into my mind. The exact wording was "this girl is going to be sassy....".

She is.

These two are my very favorite pictures of her from around her first birthday. Especially the bottom one.

...to be continued.......

Internet..

2008-07-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

I am sorry.

I am a bad girlfriend.

Don't break up with me, ok?

I have a new post that is in its final stages (and by that I mean I have written it in my head and just need to get it on paper). Just to keep you coming back I will tell you the title of it.

"Kacy's blog is so funny I set my house on fire. "

Seriously. It is that funny. And I did. It is all her fault.

http://www.kasm.blogspot.com/

P.S. I can't make my hyperlinks work and I lost the bookmark that gave idiot proof instructions. Anyone?

Do you like...

2008-07-02T09:56:00.001-07:00

how I told you I was going to tell you funny stories and all about Vegas and then I just dropped off the earth? Sorry.It reminds me of the last little blogging break I took a few months ago (because I was too busy, whatever) and then crazy things started happening to me. It was like the universe was DARING me not to blog. I am not kidding. On the same week, in the same few streets I saw a bank robbery, Mark Kate Olsen (really, I swear it was one of the monkey twins) getting coffee and potty trained Jacob. There were a few other things that my sleep deprived brain can't remember, but I remarked to my husband that it took GREAT discipline (or yet unreached depths of laziness) not to blog it all. That is when he remarked that maybe I need a laptop and WiFi.

Today will be a catch up post with lots of bullet points, they are the new parentheses you know. The only problem is that I don't know how to do them yet, so I will do the lazy woman's bullets by using two dashes. Just so you know.

--I know I look/seem old, but the Internet is hurting my feelings. Somehow my e mail address was sold to a list for old people. It has been nothing but wheelchair rentals, step in bathtubs and stair lifters all the live long day in my inbox. I know that I don't LIKE the e mails saying that I have a secret admirer or that sexy singles in my area are looking for me, but now that they have been replaced by the geriatric set of spam, I am a little bit hurt.

--Speaking of internet. Lauren seems to think that it is an all knowing, living entity. She asked me yesterday if I knew how many minutes are in a year (what, you don't know that??). When I told her I didn't, she answered "I'll just ask Internet when I get home". Not THE internet, Internet. I might have to share my new best friend.

--Norah has started the infant development classes. She is fairly amused with the whole thing. They sign and she CAN do the signs, but doesn't want to mostly of the time. If she DOES participate, we all have to be really careful not to encourage her or act happy about it because she will then decide that she will NO LONGER participate. She is a 13 year old in a 2 year old body. Good times ahead.

--Norah gained 1 pound over the last 4 months, this huge. She is still way off the charts and the force feeding regime continues, but this is the first time she has gained more than ounces and even though she is small, she gained the correct percentage of weight over the last 4 months, so if we can do this for another 6 months, I might stop having to bring her in each month to get a weight check.

--In other news, Grace is growing at an alarming rate (she is a Bingham after all). She is huge. Huge cheeks, huge smile, huge personality and huge appetite. I am not used to my kids growing out of their clothes before they have a chance to wear them all. She is already on to the next size. Pretty soon, Grace will be handing down clothes to Norah.

--We are doing our Stay-cation this week. When I first heard that word I thought it was clever, but with in the space of a few weeks I heard it on Regis and Kelly as well as getting it in my mailbox via a Target coupon. So, I am pretty sure that it will be the "talk to the hand" of Summer 2008. We are going to a Giants game tonight (and we get to take the train!! That is the best part!! Garlic fries!!). Saturday we are going to the zoo. No garlic fries at the zoo.

--Pistachio is the flavor of 2008. I love them. I buy them by the bag full at Trader Joes (I can even get the pre shelled) and put them on everything; salads, ice cream, chicken. You name it, I will put a pistachio on it, eat it and LOVE it.

--My husband and I are obsessed with the Bachelorette this season. It is our favorite. Who do you think she is going to choose?

-- As I was talking to Lauren about what we can do to make the spirit in our home be better (there is some hard core squabbling that rules our lives) her answer was that I should punish Jacob more. Looks like we have some work to do.

--the mystery smell that has invaded our home is slowly going away. At first it smelled like dead animal (it must have been under the house b/c we tore the house apart). Now it just smells like half mold/half burning. Weird. I hope it goes away soon. I hope to ignore the problem to make it go away. That usually works.

--California is burning down. Really. There are something like 1000 forest fires. The air is smoggy and heavy with ash for the last few weeks. We even had a few days last week where they told everyone to shelter in place, not just the old people (ehm, which is apparently me now). Please pray for the people fighting the fires and the folks who are displaced. That is scary.

--Kid Movies. In the last two weeks we have taken the kids to see Kung Fu Panda, Wall-E and Kit Kittridge (we were sheltering in place and no one has AC here). They weren't too bad. I would recommend all of them. If you are afraid of Hobo's or the word Hobo, do NOT go to Kit Kittridge. Don't say I didn't warn you.

--The hands free law just passed yesterday. I guess I am going to have to buy a headset. Bah humbug. First they outlaw grocery sacks, now the phones. I never remember to grab that stuff by time I have gotten all 35 of my kids in the car...... so if you never hear from me again via phone, you can just blame California. I know it saves lives (and really is a good law, especially the part that says teenagers cannot use a cell phone or texting device AT ALL in a car...).

HAPPY 4Th. We will celebrate by NOT doing fireworks (California is on fire remember) and by swimming and eating blue chips with salsa and NOT talking on the phone while driving and eating garlic fries while we cheer for our Giants to beat the Cubs (won't happen).....

BE SAFE!!!!

Scribbles..

2008-06-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I am over at Segullah today. (shoot, I can't find my hyperlink page..here is the link
http://segullah.org/blog/

I was asked to write about how it felt to learn about Grace's Down syndrome. I was also asked not to submit the sanitized version. The goal, I think, is to get a real person writing about a real experience. With it you get MY experience I don't (nor should you) assume that another person's experience is the same. This is my story and my journey. I realize that by choosing to share it with the world, I am opening myself for criticism. That is OK, but it doesn't mean that you can't hurt my feelings. Just as you shouldn't assume that you know ME via the things that I write here or on any other blog, I won't assume that I know YOU via the comments you write. I might think you are a big fat meanie and spam your blog if you write something that makes me cry, but I WILL try and remember that there might be more to you than that. Let's just play nice. OK?

If you are coming to this blog FROM Segullah, welcome. I am Rebecca. I wear many hats in my life. Mostly I am a regular ordinary mom that could stand to loose a few pounds and never keeps up with her laundry. I am the mother of four small children. Two of my kids have special needs. Two of my kids are adopted. Two of my kids are black. Two of my kids are biological. It is kind of a grab bag in our family. I have learned along the road that I am capable of more than I thought, to be thankful for the tender mercies that Heavenly Father extends to mothers and to just laugh a lot. It takes as much work as crying, but people like you better if you are a laughter rather than a crier. There you have it.

P.S. Las Vegas update (titled "Las Vegas is NOT an appropriate place for children" by Lulu B, age 8) coming tomorrow as well as the explanation of the famous "sad bath". Stay tuned (and remember, don't write anything unless it is nice, but do feel free to spam the blogs of others that say mean things about me...).

Vegas Baby....

2008-06-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

Why wear just one tutu, when two is better?

Lu and I are crashing in Daddy-o's hotel room for the next few days in Las Vegas. This is a trip that we have been promising Lu for a long time. When she was little she was obsessed with the music from "Mamma Mia". She knew all the words. We promised her that when she was eight, she could go and see it. So now we are giving her the promised trip. I have a feeling that the play might be less appropriate for an 8 year old than I remember.

It will be fun to sit by the pool for a few days and just relax. None of the other kids are going with us. Wish Grandma Jane and Best Babysitter Erin good luck with that one. Cubby has been especially awesome (and by awesome I mean evil). Norah has taken to nudity like her older brother and keeping clothing on either of them is a loosing battle. I always swore that when I had kids I wouldn't let them run around with just a diaper on. Now I have TWO that run around with just a diaper on. Apparently you can take the girl out of the condo........

Have a GREAT weekend. Wish us luck in our taxing next few days of swimming, sleeping, watching Arrested Development and not negotiating any kind of squabbling. I also just made plans with the famous Azucar from The Jet Set to have lunch at Mesa Grill. We are both foodies and she is the perfect person to go on an eating tour of Vegas with (or an eating tour of anywhere with, or just to go anywhere with...). More details to follow.....

Heaven.

Well, what do you know?

2008-06-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

I sent around a few pictures of the baby to my family the other day. My mom wrote back and said something to the effect of "is it me, or does she look like Lu?". I see a lot of Lulu in our little Ace, but wasn't too sure. Then I took this picture.

Maybe it is only when I shoot them straight up the nose, but I'd say these girls were sisters, wouldn't you? Granted, in our family we aren't used to sisters looking too much alike. Before Acie joined our family in person, I was very, very focused on the things that should would have that would make her different. While people with Down Syndrome could all pass as cousins, the family genetics come out loud and clear too. She looks like us, because she came from us. Not even her upturned eyes, lower ears and sweet little nose can mask that. What a happy surprise.

This is the picture that I am thinking of using for her birth announcement. I took some photos of the kids for my husband's fathers day present (don't worry, he doesn't read this blog...so we are safe). It has been a long, long, LOOOONNNNGGG time since I have felt like taking pictures of my kids. One more tiny step in me feeling more like myself these days.....

I spent a lot of time today trying to get a picture of Norah. I kind of lucked into this one.

Nono spent most of the morning looking like this....

She has some teeth coming in and has been a serious cranky pants

This one, on the other hand, is doing a really good job at practicing being defiant. Today he had the following punishments... he had to wear clothes, he was NOT allowed to vacuum, he was not allowed to have veggies at lunch...(these punishments defy logic, I know..but they work)

.....and about 12 seconds after this picture was taken, he had to have the dreaded "sad bath". This is Cubby's version of "the last resort". It is one of the only things that really works with him(this is a child that actually laughs at most consequences....). If you promise not to call CPS on me, I'll tell you what it is....

But he sure is a cute little stinker. Yogurt face and all.

And now I will leave you with the cuteness that is Ace. She has been chewing on her tongue a lot lately, it is pretty cute. Also, look how translucent her skin it!!

Lulu is out of school next week. She has been pretty good lately. There is still the requisite eye rolling going on, but mostly she has settled down a bit. She started piano last month and really, really LOVES it. Her most effective consequence is NOT being allowed to practice. She is really good too, her teacher tells me that she picks up the theory really quickly and is moving pretty fast. She is going to be in the recital this weekend. How crazy is that? She really loves to play and seems to have a talent for it, so I hope this can be something that she can work at for the next few years..... I can't believe she is going to be 8.

It got me...

2008-06-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

I am now the latest lucky host to the evil tummy bug. This is not fun, but could be a good way to kick off my post baby weight loss program. Nothing like a good stomach flu get past a plateau.

** Ironic Update. Our gardener just came to the door to tell me that the vine that D and I thought was so pretty that covered one of our retaining walls has creeped over from the neighbor's yard and is already covering (and killing) the tree in the corner and has covered the roof on the garage. It damages roofs faster than anything. Huh. We had no idea and would have just let it keep growing and growing. He is going to cut it down next week and save us the cost of a new roof.

People like us should not be allowed to have yards. We aren't smart enough.

Ok, back to the laundry.

Look who is so smart??

2008-06-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

This is where Ace lives. I bring her down in the morning and leave her basket on this counter. Poor baby. It is like she is just another bag of groceries. We almost don't notice her...

But at least when she is right here, I know she isn't being loved or jumped on by any of the older kids. They would actually love her to death if I let them (and it would be death by way of crushed lungs from hugging, pneumonia from all their snotty noses on her face, etc, etc).

And, she sleeps so well up there that it really seems to be working for everyone. Sorry for this shot of her giving her best Micky Rooney face. I have to get my camera out and capture more of her "cutest baby on earth" faces.

OK, so I didn't fool you with that last post. You guys knew it was me. See, I have NO idea how I come across. I am sure the discussion will continue over there. For the record, while I am always VERY embarrassed and unsure when meeting people IRL (especially bloggers) I have always been impressed with those that I have met. I don't want anyone to worry that I am talking about them..... usually I am thinking of myself when I compare the blogger person to the real person.

For example. In my last entry I was writing about the strange experience that I had w/ the doctor. I was just putting it out there, but I got back very sweet messages about how I am a good mom and how my kids are lucky to have me. That stuff is hard for me to hear. Not because I don't think that I am a good mom (I think I do a pretty good job) but because I know the rest of it. You guys don't know that I have to FORCE myself to listen to my 8 year old talk about the Simpsons and Hanna Montanna, when I really want to scratch my eyeballs out. Sometimes I don't listen, I just tell her I can't talk right now, and I do this even though I know that she doesn't get much time with me and before too long she won't WANT to talk to me.

You guys don't know that when Grace was born, I couldn't look at her for more than 15 minutes. I wouldn't even open my eyes, because that is when it would be real and I was afraid that I wouldn't have any feeling for the baby that I had been carrying and didn't really feel that connected to. And when I DID look at her, I wished that my eyes were still closed.

You don't know how every time I have to take Ace for an appointment I get really moody and weepy the day before. I am not totally over the whole "I just want her to be normal" thing and it still hurts me to think about this little girl being different. On the one hand, she is so sweet I wouldn't change her, but really, if someone could wave a magic wand, I would. My husband wouldn't, but I would in a second. I want her to be normal. I don't want her to be "special".

I am not in denial about it and I know that Ace is perfect just how she is, but that doesn't mean I don't remember curling up on my bed on Halloween day last year after getting off the phone with the geneticist. I just remember shouting "NO" over and over and over and curling up in a ball and sobbing. Crying. Dramatic, no? I even scared my other kids. Grandma and Grandpa had to come over and take them trick or treating. Great mom, huh? I traumatized them and then bagged on the single most looked forward to event in our house. If I was a GREAT mom, I would have just sucked it up and gone.

You don't know that many, many times I just don't WANT to help the kids do the things that they need to...practice walking, read book after book and practice our "goals" for the week. To discipline Cubby and be consistent--frankly, I don't really CARE if he eats Popsicles all day. I really don't. I would like to think that we all have a little bit of this in us, but maybe I am wrong. At the very least, I don't spend my time dwelling on that stuff.

So, I guess because I know the whole story, I have a hard time hearing about how others view me as a mother. Don't get me wrong, I love the compliments and appreciate hearing them. We all do. Every mother should be told a million times a week how good they are doing. It is good for me to get some of this story out. For a long time there was stuff that I just couldn't revisit because it was still too new and too painful. There are lots of things about the last few years that I still have a hard time thinking about, let alone writing about. I feel it is important to put some of this stuff "out there" because I have learned so much from others who kept blogs about their children with Down Syndrome, their journey to adoption and how they function as a TR family, their relationships and trials with their kids families in open adoptions, etc. I am so thankful that those stories were there for me to read. So I will add mine to the mix.

There was also something that Dalene wrote in the comments about how she wishes she could write some things but can't because it wouldn't be fair to the parties involved so sometimes she just has to processes it alone, and it is lonely. Yeah, I feel that way too (oh the STORIES we all could tell, eh?). Like Citymamma, I also have a blog that doesn't get published (and HELLO? Ethiopia adoption is my specialty...call me, B-Happy is another good resource..). My kids each have a site that their families have access to.

So you see, I am just a mom. I am doing the best I can and even with my help that I have, it isn't enough. It never feels like it is enough for any of them. At least they are getting more than they would if it was JUST me. Who knows?

For now, I am going to go feed the squawking bird that is my baby (she really is SO cute...so patient and happy). She is starting to smile now, but not at me or her dad. She smiles at my sisters, the bishop's wife, the nurse who just gave her shots, the checker at Target. Not us. We get nothing. This girl doesn't know how to work the system yet, does she? I don't feel like I have enough time to just HOLD her and enjoy her. I know that I need to cherish the times like now when I can hold her on my chest and smell her sweet baby breath and rub her little bald head (it's been a long time since I had a baby with a bald head). I need to ENJOY her more. And the other ones. My goal today (since we got the babysitter sick and are home for another day--all appointments cancelled) is to try and enjoy my kids. Respond with love and not impatience or frustration. Be present. These are things that I really need to work on.

Talk to you soon

Tell me what you think.......

2008-06-04T16:10:00.001-07:00

I finally had the chance to catch up one some old blogs and also found some new ones.

I wanted to have you guys take a look at this other blog and tell me what you think? It is the kind of blog we love to hate. It is a woman that is a stay at home mom with a full time nanny. THAT kind of mom. She has a new car, a big beautiful home in a fancy area and they travel first class. I am talking limo's and private jets (since a few of you were asking after my pictures...I thought this would be interesting). You know the type, they have cleaners and gardeners. I think you will find it enlightening and would be interested in your input. We can talk about it tomorrow.

Really, check out the link HERE .

I will leave you of a few pictures of Family Home Evening the other night until then. I think this will be a very interesting discussion. You won't want to miss it (and I want your opinions....)....

Oh, for those readers not familiar with Family Home Evening, it is a program in our church where we take one night of the week (usually Monday) and spend it together as a family. We like to make this night different than other nights, so we tend to structure it differently than other evenings (since we are all home together all the time anyway...we haven't hit the phase where the kids are gone all the time yet). We have a little lesson (about 2 minutes... usually "Be Kind" or "Don't hit your sister"). Then we have an activity (this time we made crowns) and a treat (the kids take turns choosing, shopping for and helping make the treat). Pretty easy stuff, but fun. We also open and close with a song and a prayer. There you have Family Home Evening 101

It is what it is....isn't it?

2008-06-02T22:25:00.001-07:00

Those are words that I have learned to live by.

Yesterday I learned it again. I think.

I took the little girls in for their doctor evaluations at the infant development center. This is step two on a ladder of about 50 steps. Our hope is that at the top of this ladder, they will both have been given the additional help they need to lead productive and independent lives. Both girls have special needs and we needed the doctor to give them a "diagnosis" so they can be referred to treatment. Her Royal Majesty is still a bit of a mystery for all of us. We know that there ARE delays, but we don't know what is causing them. We are just going down the list and trying to rule out things. This doctor asked about a thousand questions and then wrote lots of notes. He ended up referring her to a program for physical delays. This one is what I am the most excited about. We are finally going to get to the bottom of her hip displacement issues and aggressively address her low muscle tone/loose joint issues. There are other things that he noticed. Things like the fact that she doesn't hold her sippy cup on her own very often and when she does, it is with an open hand on each side instead of grasping it. She also doesn't hold onto things and try and walk. She fists her hands instead and uses them to help balance. This led the doctor to think that there is some neurological stuff going on that we haven't ruled out yet. She has very low muscle tone but has great fine motor skills (that is usually not the case). His feeling is that she doesn't know HOW to coordinate her muscles and that somehow the signals aren't going from the brain the to body the way that they should be. Also, with her weight issues, he asked some very good questions and told me that at this point he thinks her lack of weight gain is metabolic, not "bad mommy". She feeds just fine, it just doesn't stick. This has also been my feeling for the last few months. All in all, good questions and good things for me to use when I start my new dialogue with my NEW pediatrician. I liked my last one OK, but I felt that each time I went in I as getting lectured. My concerns about Norah were met with some sort of lecture about how I wasn't being a good enough mommy (you aren't feeding her right, you aren't giving her enough attention.....). I felt that the things that I felt were bigger issues were kind of brushed aside. Things that we are now finding out actually ARE issues. I just didn't know enough to push back.

Socially, Norah is just fine. She bossed around the baby, the social worker and finally the doctor during the whole visit and did her best impression of a two year old by refusing to stand on her own, carry her own weight when assisted with standing OR point to her nose when asked (and we have been practicing that one). I know she can do all these things, but today she just couldn't be bothered. I could have told him that she was on target socially. Her cognitive receptive skills are in question, but since she picked up the words "crazy", "poop" and "shut up" from her siblings this week, I am pretty sure SOMETHING is getting through to her. All of us think that at some point she will catch up and be just like a typical girl.

Ace is much more cut and dried. While there is a large range of abilities within the diagnosis of Down Syndrome, all our kids need pretty much the same thing. They all have low muscle tone--so that means physical therapy. They need help learning and practicing how to do everyday things like feeding and dressing themselves, that means occupational therapy. Our kids are 50% more likely to have hearing loss--usually because of their smaller ear tubes that cause more infections. That means audiology or an ENT. Our kids also often have difficulty learning to speak clearly, that means speech therapy. Our kids are 15 to 20 times more likely to develop leukemia, so there is that check up (so far, that has been our pediatrician). 50% of our kids are born with serious heart defects that need surgery (Ace does NOT have this, thank goodness), that means cardiology. You get the picture and that isn't even the end of the list. There is just doctor after doctor after doctor that needs to be in the loop and as the parent, it is our job to the be the team leader and make sure that we are all working together and keeping each other informed. That feels very overwhelming to me. I am still learning what I am supposed to watch for and fight for.

So, the doctor stuff for Ace was pretty much talking about the programs and what to expect, touring the facilities and trying to decide if I want home care or to take her to the center. I also had to sign lots and lots of papers (ALMOST as many as buying our house). Luckily we have a really great social worker who guides us through this process. At one point in the meeting she and the doctor asked me if we were going to get a medical card for Ace. When you get a medical card for your child, it means that the state pays for her therapies. I actually debated this one. We currently have private insurance and it would cover lots of this stuff. I wasn't sure I wanted to have the state pay for something that we could pay for ourselves at this point. I decided to do it because the social worker pointed out that Ace deserves to have this so that for the rest of her life, she has access to free medical care and free therapies. We will not always be here for her. Also, programs get funding based on how many kids are enrolled, so the more they have enrolled in the state funded programs, the more therapists they can hire, the more they can offer. Fair points all around. The biggest one though? We already paid for this, with our taxes. When you make more money, you pay more taxes, MUCH more--so why pay twice? Why not take that money and donate it to the local center, or hire a better therapist for extra work, etc? Anyway, that was my consideration. Things that you never realize you will be thinking about for your 8 week old baby. That feels overwhelming to me.

I try very hard NOT to think about the battle ahead when it is time for school and we want her to be mainstreamed. What if we have a school district that doesn't want to do that? Do I have it in me to fight that? I try NOT to read the new information about how people with DS are much more likely to have Alzheimer's and now that they are living longer...well, I really, really worry about who will take care of her when we are gone. I really, really try not to think about the time when she is aware enough to know she is different but still wanting to be like all the other kids (typical teenage stuff). I already pray that there will be a nice group of kids in our church and school that will include her and see her for the little spirit that she is and not be like I was as a teenager. All of these things are overwhelming for me.

Here is the strangest part of the whole day. As I was signing the papers to apply for the medical card, both the social worker and the doctor started to look a little bit uncomfortable. They explained that for her to qualify, they needed to give her with a Stage 2 diagnosis. That means that they had to declare that she is mentally retarded. They wanted to know if I was OK with that. They acted like they expected me to burst into tears. I was a bit confused because she is retarded. Isn't she? Isn't that part of what Down Syndrome is? They explained that she isn't retarded yet. To be retarded means you score lower than normal on an IQ test or that you are slower (which is the real definition of retarded--to slow) than typical people at the same tasks. Right now she does everything the same as other babies, so she isn't retarded yet. She is just a baby with an extra chromosome. At some point, she WILL be retarded. It ranges from mild to moderate, but it is going to happen. Saying it doesn't change it. It is what it is. Apparently some parents get really upset at this point. They don't ever want their child classified as this and never accept the help from the state. I understand that everyone deals with this differently, but for me it doesn't change what it is.

I know that Ace, like ALL people with Down Syndrome is going to be capable of learning. Some things will be easier for her than others. I know the laundry list of possibilities. She could be very high functioning or she could be low functioning. I don't know what her package is quite yet. It is what it is. Calling it one name or another doesn't really change anything, does it? Maybe I am just not there in my journey as a parent of a child with special needs. Maybe in a few years I will look back on this and be shocked at how little I know (heaven knows that I do that about adoption, almost daily). At this point, it just doesn't matter to me what you call her, that doesn't overwhelm me, it is DOING it that leaves me unnerved. I guess I just left that meeting with the feeling that out of ALL of the things that are currently running around in my brain and making me feel overwhelmed, calling my child retarded just isn't one of them.

It reminds me of a conversation that I had with Lauren the other night. She is finally getting what it means to have Down Syndrome (for awhile she thought that anyone with flat features and slanted eyes had Down Syndrome--including her Korean friend Nicole and the president of our church, Thomas Monson.....). She was crying and telling me that she is afraid that kids will call her sister "retarded". I told her that it sounds like that is not a nice thing to hear, but that in fact her sister IS retarded but that just meant that she learned things a little bit slower. She would be better (and therefore NOT retarded) at other things, like making friends and being kind to others. It wasn't something to get too upset about because it was true. We just needed to help other kids understand the correct meaning of that word.

I might be the only one here that doesn't have a problem with the label. Just the repercussions....

Two posts in two days. Look at me go!! You can thank the tummy bug that Jacob continues to fight for this one. I haven't left the house yet.

Also, several of you noticed the plane. Man, you guys are observant. Yes it is a private plane. More on that tomorrow.....

So you think you can....

2008-06-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

blog?

dance?

use the computer w/ out a tyrant of a 3 year old hanging off your arms?

Hahahahahahah.

You can't.

So, I have been putting off blogging because I have all these great, thought provoking posts in my head that I wanted to get onto paper, but it just doesn't seem to happen. So, no blogs. The good news is that my brain is still, apparently, working because the posts are still in my head. I have also decided to get a laptop so that I can write/blog/keep in touch on the go. I am never at my house these days, and when I am, Cubby is such a stinker that it isn't worth getting on the computer (that top picture was from when I offered him a snack of hummus, and he baptised the computer in it. So, hummus is out....) I also fall into bed at 7:15 each night (that is 15 minutes after all children are deposited in their rooms--what they do after that, I don't care, as long as they are quiet!). I am just FULL of excuses aren't I?

So, I have vowed that I will post something every day this week to get back into the habit of it. I even got up extra early to do this. I miss this part of my life and my blog friends. Several of you have had babies since I last wrote (welcome to the world Miss Ainsley Jane and Miss Meera Grace and Mr. Chief...), some have gotten married (remember my "manny" last year? He married his sweetie-pie last weekend...) and others have just continued to write witty posts that inspire me. More than three people have also told me in the last week that they depend on my blog posts to keep up with me and I am letting them down. There is also a small fear that my mom might come and steal my kids in the night (well, the baby and Lu and possibly Her Majesty Norah--but not Cubby...) so she can actually see them again.... so here it goes.... here is my post and here are some pictures of the last few weeks.

We have been knee deep in laundry here because the dreaded tummy bug finally got to us. Cubby got it first. He had the nerve to get sick the night we had some of our friends over for dinner and grilled fillet mignon. Doesn't he know how much that stuff costs? The injustice of cleaning steak off your carpets at three in the morning is more than I can bear. I might have been just a BIT more tolerant if he was puking the normal dinner of mac and cheese and hot dogs. Seriously. I have never been more grateful for washing machines in my life. I imagine that the pioneer women didn't enjoy the nights their kids puked up whatever it is the pioneer kids eat any more than we do, but it took them lots longer to get the laundry done (and I can see it now--if pioneers had blogs "today Hyrum vomited after we had a special dinner of buffalo. Doesn't he know how long it took me to hunt/kill/skin/cook that thing? The nerve...). Oh wait, they did have blogs. Except they called them journals.

See. My brain really is gone.

Anyway--here are the woodland creatures over the last weeks. We visited Utah and saw all the family (almost all, HI Kate and Matt!).

We have been taking turns visiting Dad at his office. This is his view. No wonder he always sounds calm at work. You can't see it but Jacob's head is blocking Alcatraz and to the left is the Golden Gate Bridge. Wicked view.

We let the kids use my camera phone during our flight out. They caught some really good shots.

This is one of my favorite pictures of the mid's. They seem like they are the same age now, instead of a toddler and a baby. They play really well together and really enjoy being together. It is really sweet to see (and ABOUT time)....

Hello Lu and the lovely grandparents! They are known as Pappa and Sweetie around these parts. They still think my kids are charming and fun, which is really lucky for us.

Lauren and her beloved cousin, Abigail. This relationship is the best example of hero worship I can think of. Lauren really wishes we lived closer and so do I because Ab's is a great girl.

This must be why I can never find those cute diaper covers for Norah. Lauren did this look for her and then proudly declared "for Halloween Norah should be either Minnie Mouse or Oprah!". I am not sure which part reminded her of Oprah. The hot pink head cover? Maybe?

Yeah, I totally see Oprah.

See you all tomorrow!

WAHHH HAHHH HAHHH HAHHH!!!!

2008-06-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

It's me.

(and in this picture I am dressed up as Maleficent....I know, I know, it is a good look for me)

Are you surprised? Didn't you know that my husband and I are wildly wealthy and we only travel by limo and private plane--if we can't fly private we refuse to fly at all. We also have a full time nanny, even though I am a stay at home mom. My house cleaners come each week, but they would rather play with the baby than clean (it is so hard to find good help these days). I don't know what we would do without our gardener Raphael. He keeps the flowers looking so beautiful, but I really need to get after him about the sprinklers. Did I mention that there are only certain brands of clothes that I will wear and put my children in? There are certain stores I refuse to shop in.

What? You didn't know this about me? You didn't know that this is how I live? Do you like me less now? Would you want to read the blog of a woman like this? How ready were you to come back tomorrow and talk about this blogger? I was practically foaming at the mouth and I KNEW it was ME. You don't have to admit if you made a judgement or not, but I bet you did form some kind of an opinion, didn't you? -

To be honest, there is an element of truth in each of those things, so lets revisit the paragraph, should we?

Are you surprised? Didn't you know that my husband and I are wildly wealthy (compared to many people in the world) and we only travel by limo and private plane (We do fly in private planes, but this is a perk of traveling with my in laws. My FIL is an "important" man. He works really hard and sits on the board of many large companies, gives commencement addresses and speaks at the World Economic Forum. He likes to fly private, and we like to hitch hike)--if we can't fly private we refuse to fly at all (also true. I am a driver. I would rather drive in the minivan to Utah than fly commercial. I just can't handle the wait, the small seats, the security, the parking, the schlepping.... no way. If we fly there, it is on the jet--not commercial--not because I am snooty but because it is too expensive and too painful. At this point in my life, going farther than that is just not worth it). We also have a full time nanny, even though I am a stay at home mom (this is another post for another day, but I do. She is wonderful. I couldn't do it without her). My house cleaners come each week, but they would rather play with the baby than clean (it is so hard to find good help these days). (I have already written about my ladies. I love them. They love my kids. Their kids are all in Mexico and they ADORE holding Ace and playing with Cubby and Norah. One brings her niece to play with Lu--and I am so, so lucky I found someone that not only cleans my house, but loves my family). I don't know what we would do without our gardener Raphael. He keeps the flowers looking so beautiful, but I really need to get after him about the sprinklers. (Raphael is currently the reason my husband and I can have a cordial relationship. I hate yard work and I don't want to do it. D works ALL the time and his precious hours home he doesn't like to spend mowing the yard. Raphael is great and he can do a "mow and blow" for one year for less than it would cost us to buy a lawn mower--PLUS he does the edging, fixes the sprinklers that my kids break and is helping me design and implement an herb and flower garden. Maybe I will learn to like yard work. Don't hold your breath) Did I mention that there are only certain brands of clothes that I will wear (Gap long sleeved T shirts b/c they are cheap and my kids hair grease ruins them really quickly) and put my children in? (similarly cheap clothes that don't make me want to cry when the hair grease gets them, except Cubby--he gets the CUTEST hand-me-downs EVER from my friend Suzi) There are certain stores I refuse to shop in (Walmart and Mervyns. I just hate them).

I know, I know, cry me a river, right? I hope that my blog doesn't come off like this (or that I come off like that in real life...) but I could because it all depends on how I present it and how you interpret it. I think that all my explanations show me to be normal-ish, but who knows? This leads nicely into another post that has been bouncing around in my head. I have even been emailing with some other bloggers (who might not want to be named) to talk about it. I have spoken about this to my IRL friends (some bloggers, some not). Why do we blog? What is the point? Do we expect the bloggers we read about to be like their blogs? Are we disappointed when they aren't? As bloggers do we feel like we owe it to our "readers" to show all of our selves? Do you struggle with only showing part of yourself on your blog? Do you feel that people view you in a way that is not at all how you are? Do we sometimes forget that bloggers are REAL PEOPLE and not characters in a book or show, even though we get to follow their stories in a chapter by chapter format, just like a soap opera? Is blogging the new soap opera? The book version of reality TV?

Let me back up a bit. A few months ago the word got out that Bravo TV and the people that do Real Housewives were casting for a new show called Dads Club in our area. They were looking to cast dads that seem to have a balance in their lives and are middle to upper class. They wanted it to be "classy" not trashy. My husbands name was put forward and they were eager to talk to him/us. We are kind of the jackpot for this kind of reality TV show. Here are the things that the casting director identified as reasons we would be interesting to other people: we are young (both for having kids and for when we got married), we adopted, we are a trans racial family, we have a special needs child, we are Mormon (conservatives in a liberal area), D has an Ivy League education, D has a good job and has climbed the ladder in his company really quickly, we are financially secure, we have 4 kids (almost unheard of here...even amongst the LDS folks...).... you get the idea. A veritable reality TV show jackpot.

I was interested in seeing how far we could take this, but let me be clear, there was NEVER any question that we would even consider this show. We would not do this in one million, billion years. Mainly, we all have skeletons in our closets and ours are ones that I don't want everyone to read about in US Weekly (if the show did well, that is). Our current skeletons are just fine where they are with a very, very small audience that even cares about them. We also have our kids' families to consider. We don't want to put THEM in a position of being "found", especially Norah's mom. Nor do we want to give them (or anyone else) a forum to have any kind of say about our family beyond the relationships that we currently have. Some people have been vocal about certain aspects of our adoption arrangements and I don't want these opinions preserved for my kids to see someday. These are the kids of things that can happen when you put yourself out there for the public to view. Those are the big reasons, but there are little ones too. You don't get to choose how you are portrayed on reality TV. We could be cast as the sweet, religious family, or we could end up being the rich, spoiled family that adopted kids but then didn't bother to parent them and left them with the nanny while we jetted around the world on our private plane. Also, I am not at this point willing to be the spokesperson for Down Syndrome, Mormonism and/or adoption. I am not willing for my choices to be debated the way that I have seen others debate and cast judgement on people that are on TV (myself included..I often forget that they are real people and not just characters...). Not my thing. I started asking around if other people would do a show like this. Most said no. Then I asked if they felt that their blog was the same thing. Most said "no...maybe...sort of......wait.........". Then I wondered if my blog was the same thing. I had certainly put myself and my family "out there". What was the point? Do I sometimes wish that I had kept it all with code names and no pictures so that people didn't really know who I was? Would that change what I would right? (you bet it would....).

Remember before when I said that I was aware of bloggers that were popular in blogworld and came across one way, but that the people in real life were not nice. That is true. I was mostly thinking about myself, but there are others that I would say aren't much like what their blog persona is. Keep in mind that doesn't always mean that on the blog they are "nice" and IRL they are not--some come across much more outgoing or introspective on their blogs than they seem to me IRL. But I realize that I only see a few sides of people. Very few people ever really, really know all of our sides and see us at our very worst and most raw. On a blog we get to CHOOSE what we show. It is like the worlds longest (and biggest) internet dating relationship. We can pick the best pictures to show and tell our stories in a funny and witty way. That is very different from being late to church and still in maternity clothes, having your kids scream all through nursery and then have to deal with one child peeing through his clothes and another biting a classmate. I didn't exactly CHOOSE for that to be the introduction of our family to our new ward, but that is the way it was (what can we say? We are going for the whole "set the bar really low and shock them later when you show them that your children actually CAN act like human beings" thing in this ward...). On a blog we can be the person that has very clever and fun things to say about the latest episode of Top Chef (which is tonight...yay) but you don't see that we have absolutely NO patience with our kids right now and pretty much hid from them all day. It is like being on dating behaviour all the time but I never have to get out of my PJ's. I'd say what Facebook is for my little brothers, blogging is for me. I can interact with people on a level that I am comfortable with and share what I am comfortable with.

Today you all learned certain aspects about my life that most people didn't know, because I chose not to talk about them on the blog. Some of them are things that I don't really think are important or interesting. Some of us choose not to talk about things that aren't interesting or important to us or things that are embarrassing or things that aren't really something that we want the world to know. Some people use their blog as a forum to do EXACTLY those things. I am aware of a blog that one woman wrote during the separation (and eventual divorce) from her husband. It was brutal. It was full of so much powerful emotion. I was amazed, but that is how she chose to share herself with the world. I would imagine that it helped people-- but mostly it helped her. I have also seen blogs that mostly dwell on the mundane and seemingly uninteresting things in life and somehow turn it into something that is interesting for me to read.

I have had the pleasure of finding people that I used to know IRL (that is In Real Life) and seen how they have evolved and changed over the years via their blogs. I have been surprised at the opinions expressed by others that I thought I knew (things like nursing and politics). I have been shocked and amazed and appalled at how under the veil of commenting as "anonymous" we are able to say very hurtful and terrible things to and about each other and wonder if we would say those things face to face. I have also been tempted to BE that person and leave a comment under "anonymous". I have been surprised at some of the posts I have written and how much emotion they have stirred up. Mostly the ones about adoption and mostly from people that found me via a search. But it is still strange to have someone comment on YOUR life and YOUR choices. It's like being a celebrity without all the money. But, it is something that I CHOSE to put up there, so it is fair game. We all know that about blogging.

OK, this is part one and just some of what is bouncing around in my head. I would be interested in hearing about your view on some of the questions I have asked. Mostly because it is going to be interesting to see if YOU respond in the way that I think you will...from what I know about your blog persona.... I have always wanted to just write down what I think that the people who write the blogs I read are like and see how close I am....

Tomorrow in the second part of this I want to talk about how you figured out what the audience for your blog is and where you draw the line in "sharing".

Back to business...

2008-04-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

Picture of the extended family = Good (sort of, Lu is sticking her tongue out, Norah is giving the biggest stink eye of all time and Jacob was being forcibly restrained by my father in law--but knowing our family it is the best we were going to get).

Trying to get a family photo of my stinky little stinkers that wouldn't look at the camera = Not Good (check out Norah..she was mad!! As my sister Nie says "there is a large angry black woman in there...")

We had Gracie's blessing at home right after she was born. For those that don't know, in our faith we give our babies a special blessing when they are small to formally enter their names in the records of the church. Baptism occurs at age 8. So the blessing is like a less elaborate christening. I have heard them called dedications in other faiths. Anyway, it usually involves doing it in front of the congregation, having a special white dress and a potluck/party afterwards. My mom was in town when Ace was tiny so we just decided to do it then. The great part about doing it at home was that A) no one had to get dressed up and B) I didn't have to host a big party.

If I have any more kids, I am doing it this way again. We also ended the day the way that all good gatherings should end; with a game of Guitar Hero. Norah is our favorite family member to duel because she totally STINKS at this game....extra credit if you can guess where her hair ends and the TV stand begins...

I am also going to try and blog more. A lot more. It occurred to me that I have things to say and I miss having a place to put my thoughts down. When I blog so infrequently, I feel like I have to do the obligatory "update" post and I have more to say than that. I don't know if anyone wants to hear any more than that, but that isn't the point of this blog. I was re reading all our posts (both the published and the unpublished ones) from our experiences with our adoptions. It is so amazing to see how dumb/naive we were at first and how much we have grown and learned since then. I have just come out of a year of rebuilding and some pretty major events in my family (both good and bad ones). I have been writing this year too. Much of it will never see the light of day in blog-land, and that is OK too. I think the point of writing is so that we can see progress. Sometimes it is in the wrong direction, but it is still movement. Right?

So, check back for more posts. And, I have a few questions and topics that I would like to discuss and would love feedback on, or just a general discussion.

Here is your teaser--which member of my family was picked to be on a reality TV show (almost)? What would YOU tell the Gap in a focus group? Do you know a blogger (or multiple bloggers) that seem to be be very sweet and nice and sunshiny and are quite popular in blogland and have almost made a brand of themselves, but you know them in real life and they are kind of mean or not at all what they seem? Does it bug you? Should it? After all, we choose the parts we want to show on a blog (as opposed to, reality TV where you are at the mercy of the editors....)..... Does it make you want to write anonymous comments to them before you remember that you aren't actually 12? Me neither.

Gratuitous Ace Photo

iPhone

2008-04-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

So, my computer is getting "healed" right now and I will be able to upload pictures by the end of the day. Finally. I have to say that having a small camera on my phone has been pretty fun. Here is a sampling of the pictures we have taken lately. These tend to be "A Day In The Life" pictures.

I have a more informative post coming soon, but suffice it to say that we are all doing really well. I am feeling great and already cannot believe that I ever was pregnant. The baby perfect. She is sweet and peaceful and a great sleeper. We are still working on her eating, but I think she is doing just fine. We start therapies for her next week (that should be interesting). The kids are adjusting really well. Jacob is very sweet with her and is the only one that is at all interested in holding her anymore, Norah thinks she is a doll and chants "my baby" over and over when she sees her. Lauren still loves to play with her, but anything over 10 seconds is too long for her. Derek is smitten. He can often be heard saying "she is so cute I can't even stand it". This girl already has him worked. It took the other kids at least a year to get to this point.

These are for you, Heather and Beth.

This picture captures my life pretty well, TV, bread and butter, baby, cooking magazines (I just read, not actually cook these days) and my bed. Welcome to my world.

Jacob--still naked most of the time, still loves his bubble baths and still my silly, funny boy.

Apparently Norah found the phone

Jacob asked Derek for a pen in church. Then he struck this pose and said "what do you need from the grocery store dad? Ice Cream? Diet Coke?". I might be going to hell because I took a picture during sacrament meeting, but at least we weren't in the chapel.

Gracie's Indian name would be "Ace Longtorso"

The "bookends", Lulu and Gracie.....(Cubby and Norah are the "mids", as in mid(dle) kids)

We play music after dinner and the kids dance while I clean up. It gets the wiggles out and helps us leave the evening on a happy note, since they are wild animals at night anyway. Currently we are loving anything Abba, Mika's "Lollipop" and the soundtrack from Enchanted.

Come on, is she the cutest or what? Go Cardinal

But it is amazing how quickly she transforms from adorable to Micky Rooney

Apparently, Cubby also found my phone

Gahhhh

2008-04-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

Seriously people!!

First we had a computer down, then the Internet (can you believe I lived without Internet for three days???). I don't know who has had babies, who is fighting or what the guest judges thought about the last elimination on Top Chef.

I also have a ton of updates AND pictures (but sadly, Ace still looks an awful lot like Micky Rooney). My mom was here for a few days and spent the whole time admiring my children and feeding them. She took the 4:00 am shift with Ace and let me sleep. It was heaven. My sister Kate is here now. She lives in London and is in town with her fiance Matt TO GET MARRIED! Matt is from Australia and the my while both living in London. Now they are going to get married and move back to the UK and we will never get to see their adorable kids. It has been fun getting to know him and when I close my eyes I can imagine that Jeff Wiggle is in my living room. ;-)

I will upload everything tomorrow... so please hang in with me. Till tomorrow.
r

Good one...

2008-04-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

I remember when I thought newborns were hard. Back in the day when I had ones that would EAT!! :-)

I keep meaning to get on here and post, but then I don't. Either I am too tired, too busy dealing with older kids that are trying to adjust (and this manifests itself in the form of wanting to be held-Cubby, throwing tantrums-Norah or being a sassy pants--Lu), eating or feeding someone. I had taken some really fun and good pictures of the baby, but they are on my phone and I haven't taken the time to figure out how to download them yet. Nor have I managed to gather my thoughts. Or get dressed. You know how it goes.

So, I will recap the week in list form. Forgive me, but this is the best I can do.

--Doctors. I have spent an average of 2 hours per day at the doctor. Between the two girls, there is A LOT to do. Grace Ace hasn't yet regained her birth weight and she yo yo's between staying steady and loosing weight. Feeding her is a full time job. I am SO glad that I am not breastfeeding. I had decided not to before she was born, but this cements it. Sometimes it takes her an hour to get an ounce down. She needs to have 12-14 ounces a day. You do the math. This is also why I have full time child care. Next week we start the therapies (there are meetings w/ social workers, infant development specialists, audiologists, optometrists, etc, etc, for both girls...). At least I get out of the house.

--Trying to get my milk to dry up was the WORST part of the whole process. It hurts and apparently, my body really wants to make milk. Lots of it. If anyone you know decides to go this route, let me know. The lactation consultant gave me bad advice and made things worse, but she gave me really great advice about helping the baby eat and finding the right bottle for her little mouth, so they aren't all bad. Don't get me started about the nurses at the hospital and the whole breastfeeding thing. My life, my body, my kid, my boobs, my sanity. My choice. I know that some of my readers have very strong opinions about this subject. Great. If you were here to wet nurse for me, all the better, but this subject is one that I am very happy to defend myself on, but probably won't, because I am too tired.

--Ace's blood count came back funny. Children with Trisomy 21 (the real name for Down Syndrome) have a much higher chance of getting certain kinds of leukemia. We had to retest her blood. It took forever and they kept having to prick her heel over and over. I hate that part. Lucky for me they had lots of lollipops in their basket, I keep feeding them to Norah. She was pretty unhappy that they were making her baby cry.

--Speaking of Norah and sugar. Guess who hasn't really gained any weight and is back on the official "failure to thrive" list and force feeding program? That's right. The difference is that before she really didn't eat. It was a challenge just to get the food into her. Now, she eats all the time and she eats A LOT. But, I have to get more calories into her. We have smoothies made w/ cream and ice cream twice a day, she gets all the sugar she wants (empty calories, I know but they are still calories..), etc. I honestly spend much of my day getting my two girls to eat. Ironic for a mother that LOVES to eat, eh? I don't know if N has a super high metabolism or if this is part of what is wrong with her. I am anxious for the development center to get started on these tests. There is no way that a child that is eating as much as she is, isn't gaining weight. Well, I mean, clearly she isn't but there must be a better reason than the fact that she isn't eating enough, because she is. She still isn't walking, but we are working on it. We have added a few words too, so we are slowly, slowly making progress.

--Lauren thinks that she is 18. She also manages to put together outfits that make he look like a Bratz doll. She has such a unique sense of style and puts together some really cool outfits, but occasionally they get a little heavy on the fishnets (she got them from MY drawer) and boas and corsets (she made one for herself out of felt and yarn..I am not kidding). I have had to come down really hard on her to not parent everyone, including me. I can do nothing right when it comes to the baby, according to her, and she is really hard on Jacob. Mostly, I need to teach her that she doesn't have to worry about anyone but herself. I know this is a coping mechanism for her and a way to impose order in her life, but she needs to chill out or she is going to have a stroke at 11. I have caught her packing to run away a few times. The last time, I saw the suitcase and said "are you running away?" and she looked at me and said "I am afraid it is true this time". Classic. I laughed. I tried so hard not to..but I couldn't help it.

--Jacob is getting better in terms of not destroying things. I love, love, love this house. I love the yard and the little family room nook. He can play and putter and go in and out without too much work. The kids call the nanny flat "the hotel". Right now, they get rewarded for good behaviour by getting to play in the Hotel. Yay. He and Norah have done pretty well sharing a room. Occasionally Norah will cry a bit before she sleeps. Jacob will lay on his bed, with his fingers in his ears, shouting "I HATE this song" over and over. My kids are pretty funny. Other than the fact that he asks me for food ALL DAY LONG (but he is able to access lots of healthy snacks on his own) over and over and over again, things are OK. Having a new minivan with a DVD player in it helps too. He loves to sit in the car and watch movies. I love that he is strapped in. Everyone wins..

Finally, this weekend is the 11th anniversary of the day my husband and I got engaged (he reminded me). It has been a tricky year. My mom is coming to town to help with the baby (her original due date was a few days ago). Derek and I are going to have a fancy dinner and stay at a hotel. To sleep. Where no one can interrupt us. That is what 4 kids does to you. You are excited about a hotel for the food you don't have to make and for the 12 hours of sleep you will get. I can't imagine anything better at this point.

I have so many posts in my head that are about intellectual things or pop culture things. I have some thoughts on Top Chef, on how much I hate that the women of America crucified Eliot Spitzers wife (this post might still get written..I am bugged about this), my obsession with The Biggest Looser, etc, etc. Someday.

Will my brain stop leaking. Will my kids ever stop fighting? Will I ever sleep again?

Easter -- Part Two

2008-03-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

After everyone dug into their baskets, Norah went behind them and took what she liked from the shrapnel on the floor.

Lu got nail polish. Their MUST be a real Easter Bunny because mom doesn't allow that stuff

Norah decided she wanted Jacob's balls.

Derek was showing Jacob where some candy was and look who decided to try and WALK over to help out. She only managed one step before she fell down, but I am still getting used to her standing.

Hunting for eggs outsides wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. My kids aren't really into candy and the idea of finding eggs with candy in them wasn't enough to motivate them at all. Finally, we turned it into a sibling war and be Cubby that he would find more than Lauren. They were OFF.

In the end, they only found about half of them and Derek and I had to go after them and clean up the rest (in fact, we found more candy this morning...). Next year, we are just going to cut to the chase and hide money.

It was such a beautiful day outside that day we just hung out. The big kids got into the hose and got soaking wet, Norah just tried to keep up. It was so nice to sit on our chairs in the backyard. I was holding the little one (who was only 4 days old and now seems SO MUCH BIGGER) and Derek studied. A house, a yard, the baby, healthy kids..there was much to be thankful for this Easter.

Easter -- Part One

2008-03-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

The kids in their Easter outfits. Remember how I was the mom that had them in matching outfits all the time? I think that mom is on vacation.

I keep hearing everyone say how Easter snuck up on them this year. I knew I would be (possibly) having a baby right around then, so I shopped early. Then I moved and put everything in a "safe place". So safe it was never to be seen again. So, when Easter REALLY snuck up on me a few days after getting out of the hospital, I had to start all over again. I used my superhuman mom skills to make Lauren think it would be a good idea for the Easter Bunny to come during church in case I was up at night with the baby.... Here is the note she wrote. It is priceless.

Dear Easter Bunny (I corrected the spelling)

Please skip our house if mom is up with Grace and if not, hurry and do it quick before mom wakes up and if mom is up come back when mom is at the doctor and we are at church between 9:30 and 12:00 am. The almost eight sister (it was mom's idea), Lauren.

So, the Easter Bunny left this note on the door

Lu wanted to check and see if he ate the carrots she left

This is what they found (Jacob can make the greatest gasping sound...)

Lauren is a believer, I think

While the kids were at church, the Easter Bunny got cracking. I kept the two little girls home that day (we still have to take Gracie J in to the doc every day). Norah "helped" me.

The kids Easter baskets are these metal buckets I have had forever. During the rest of the year, they hold craft stuff, but they get to come out once a year and be Easter Baskets.

These plastic pinwheels were in the garden section of the dollar store, but they are pretty sturdy and haven't been destroyed yet. Plus, the matched the baskets, so I HAD to get them...

This year, Easter was brought to us by the Japanese dollar store that is next to my ped's office. Not kidding. I spent 30 dollars and had Easter DONE.

I also had some candy. I was very happily putting candy in the plastic eggs to hide. Norah was just as happily opening them up, tasting each piece and spitting them back in the egg. We make a good team. For the record, she likes jelly beans but isn't a fan of those marshmallow circus peanut things (these were Tigger shaped). I only had about 20 eggs because the kids found the eggs earlier in the week. They very carefully lined them up on the back deck and hit them with their golf clubs. Bye bye eggs. It is a good thing that our back fence is 12 feet tall and covered in spider vine. I can imagine that we will find ALL KINDS of good stuff in there when we finally get rid of it. Norah also got one of those Fur Real chickens. My MIL has one and she spends lots of time carefully feeding it the bottle so it will make sounds. I let her have it while I played Easter Bunny.

The one and only picture

2008-03-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

....of me pregnant. I think my sister has one of me at Disneyland a few months ago, but I just didn't take any. Now I know why. This proves that no matter how small you are at the beginning and how "well" you carry and how good you feel...we are all huge by the end.

I didn't feel as big as I looked. Yikes. I also wore black a lot, but did the white thing so you can see the real size. No wonder the baggers at Safeway always wanted to unload my cart for me. Sheesh.

This was on the way to the hospital and Gracie J was here just a few hours after this photo. It has only been 6 days but I already can't believe that she was ever in there....

Photo Tapas....

2008-03-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

My new favorite picture. Lu can always get her to wake up!!!

Derek's sister gave us this doll after she saw Gracie for the first time, twins! She also pinned what Grace looks like all swaddled up. A glowworm!

I am uploading more, but we have to go back to the doctor. This girl doesn't seem to want to gain weight. Little does she know that we have done this before--so it is full fat greek yogurt for this one soon.....

More pictures and stories by the end of the day, I promise (and this is mostly for my family that have only managed to see the ones on the blog.... ).

Right as I took this picture, Jacob was reaching over to touch her face and I heard him say "oh, cute Santa". He calls her Santa, still. :-)

Good Friday = A good Friday

2008-03-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

Thank you for all the nice messages on Wednesday. I had my new fancy schmancy iPhone in the hospital so I could read all the comments and e mails. I didn't respond because the keyboard on that thing is too annoying to type on. I also have a million pictures, but I am trying to figure out how to download them...so give me another day or so. Until then, I wanted to put a few things down before I forget them.

--The labor was really fast and easy as labor goes. My Dr. is awesome. I checked in dilated to about a 3. At about noon the pitocin kicked in and I got the epidural right away (again!!). I was only dilated to a 4..but her theory is "why be in pain?" That is lucky because that happens to be my theory too. She lets you get the epi whenever you want it. About 30 minutes of wonderful, epidural bliss the contractions REALLY started hurting. I called the Dr. back and I was at a 10 and ready to go. It took all of 30 minutes. She let me get another shot of pain meds and waited for it to kick in and then we had a baby. It was pretty painless (except the last few minutes, nothing really can take that away) but all in all, easy peasy. I am thankful for that. The nurses were so nice and everyone took really good care of me at the hospital. I even got a private room...so the stars lined up. I got smart this time and banned all visitors (except those bearing In N Out --thanks Suzi) and just had quiet hospital time. Derek's family was so great to stay with the kids an awful lot, allowing him to be there a lot too. We got home yesterday and it is so far so good. I am feeling REALLY good and it is tempting to be up and about, but I am going to take it easy for a few weeks so I don't crash a month from now....

--A few minutes after Gracie was born, we called Lauren to tell her. She asked me "what is she doing?" I told her that she was crying a little bit and getting checked by the doctors. Lauren then told me "She is probably hungry. You should try nursing her. Did you think of that?" She wasn't being flip....just "helpful". Bless her little heart. It hasn't stopped since then. Lauren is #1 mom. According to her, I don't feed her fast enough, or put her in the car seat right, etc, etc. It isn't in a bossy way, so don't get the wrong idea. She is just VERY invested in this baby and wants to hold and feed her and be the first responder. I am making sure (and will have to continue to be careful with this) that she doesn't feel responsible for her or feel that she has to mother her. She can just do it if it is fun.

--I talked to Lu about Gracie's Down Syndrome. I knew that she would start to overhear things from people and doctors (she has begged to come to the Dr. with me for the baby and so far we have let her). She seemed pretty non plussed. I told her that she could tell the family and ask them if they had any questions about it. I asked her how she would explain DS to someone. She replied that people with Down Syndrome have "faces that are squished". Um, no, that is a new baby thing. That was pretty funny.

She called my mom and told her about Gracie. My mom was talking to her about it and Lu piped up "I just hope that she doesn't grow up to be a sociopath".........

Huh?

My mom told her that sociopaths are people who are really crazy and she said "I know and I hope that isn't how Gracie turns out". S0 there we have it. The DS was nothing, there are much bigger things that she is worried about. Funny, huh?

--Jacob and Norah have been so fun. I know it is the honeymoon period with them but still. When we brought Gracie home, Norah crawled to her and said "my baby" over and over. If I am holding Grace, she alternates between hitting her and stealing her bottle and trying to hold her and rock her. She does always call her "my baby". It is amazing to see her even be aware of what is going on. Nothing turns your baby into a toddler faster than bringing home a new one. When she sees the car seat she says "car? car?". Also, this girl only has about 12 words, but she did a 4 word sentence today. It was "My baby Jacob, NO". Good girl.

--In the hospital, Derek brought the big kids to see Grace. Jacob was a whirlwind of energy (and we just feel lucky no one accidentally got unplugged while he was there....). A nurse came in and said asked him what his name is and he replied "my name is Baby Grace". Then the nurse said "No, I think that is the baby's name. What is your sisters name?" and he quickly replied "Santa".

Tomorrow there will be pictures of the kids, Easter photos, new baby Grace pictures (cheeks and all) and some fun hospital stories including: why nurse Leslie almost got the smack down, how I feel about pebbled ice and the all time favorite "Breastfeeding...will she or won't she?"

Happy Easter everyone!

Welcome!!!!

2008-03-19T18:47:00.002-07:00

Grace Jane Bingham made her debut today, March 19, 2008, at 4:15 p.m! She weighed in at 7 lbs. 11 oz. (big for a downs baby, but small for a kinsel one...!) She was able to breathe on her own right away and last we heard, she was working on nursing. So, things look really good so far! Bek is also doing well, and my guess is that she is enjoying a diet coke right about now. If all continues to go well, Bek will be home on friday.

***Update

bek sent this email last night with the above photo:

"No nursing yet and haven't seen baby since about six pm. She was not able to hold her body temp up or maintain oxgn levels. No one is too worried yet. But we hope she gets it soon."

Baby Day...

2008-03-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

We are all set for tomorrow. I think.

Today I bought some clothes for the baby (we needed those, I got rid of the rest and can't find the packed stuff), a car seat, some diapers and a few blankets. That is all I need, right?

The camera is charged, the DVD player is charged (DVD's to be packed later), the iPod is charged..... and I finished the laundry. I got a haircut (but didn't make time to color...boo) and Lu and I had a pedicure today. Check and check.

There is something to be said for leaving things to the last minute. The kids are actually being good today (granted, I haven't had them inside much, I even ordered pizza and "encouraged" them to eat it picnic style outside). Jacob also said for the first time "there is a baby in my mom's tummy". He hasn't really gotten it. Then he went on to tell the listener that it was a dragon with fire in it's mouth. So, maybe he really doesn't get it.

Lauren is convinced that the baby will have red hair (I wish), I think she might be a little white haired/blue eyed like Lu. Maybe she will be black :-). Mostly we just hope she figures out the whole eating/oxygen thing in a timely fashion. Stanford doesn't have more than a few private rooms and it isn't one of those hospitals that has birthing suites. It is a hospital... so going home is a good thing....

My sister will update the blog as soon as she gets info. I even have a new iPhone and can e mail pictures (I am a total techno-dinosaur). So check here. Prayers are always appreciated, but I know that most of you have done this before and millions of women have done it before me. I don't look forward to the actual LABOR part of labor, but at least by tomorrow, it will be over.

I am also thankful for knowing this diagnosis before. It would be so shocking if after all the delivery stuff of tomorrow, I had to deal with the initial shock and trauma. It has only been 5 months, but I still remember it. What a small blessing to have tomorrow be just about anticipation and joy.......

Talk to you soon, wish me luck.

Babywatch....

2008-03-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

So, my sister just left and she managed to get the whole house unpacked.

BRAVO. She has officially earned her place in heaven.

I am going to be induced on Wednesday, if she doesn't show up before then. My belly button just popped out, so if we use the turkey thermometer as a guide, I am officially cooked. Someone asked if we were keeping the name a secret. Not really (we aren't those people who don't tell) but I figured that since the whole wide internet already knows her story, including the state of her actual chromosomes, we might as well have SOMETHING to tell when she comes....

I just found my camera, so pictures are coming. I don't have a single picture of me pregnant, so I better take one of those......

Have a good weekend. Update on Sunday for sure...........

Stick a fork in me....

2008-03-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ha!!!

I feel like I have spent that last few weeks just hoping and praying that the baby would hold off coming "until" (the MRI, the move, etc, etc). It has only been about 16 hours since it would have officially been OK in my mind to have her, and SHE ISN'T HERE.

Um. I am ready not to be pregnant anymore.

The boxes with food, laundry soap, videos and clothes are unpacked. You know, the necessities. I can go to the hospital and let someone else do the rest. Right?

Right?

(cue the crickets...).

Actually my husband is out of town, so it is ok if I don't have this baby right now. Granted, it could be a great story and something fun to hold over his head for a few years ("remember how you missed the birth of your child? I think that it is YOUR turn to wrestle Cubby in the ER"), it would be nice if he was there. So, I will wait. BUT, my labor coach in waiting is my friend Suzi and I have always loved the name Susannah, so if he misses it, I am changing her name to Susannah....I figure that if you aren't there to fill out the birth certificate, you loose your vote.

My sister, Nie, comes tonight. She is going to help me get the rest of the house settled and play with my kids. Like all my sisters, she knows how to show my kids a fun time. I hope she likes sleeping on an air mattress in a room that STILL smells like dog (any suggestions? There is no fiber in the room, it is all wooden--even the walls and floors...how can it still smell like dog?). It might make getting up at all hours with her 18 month old seem like fun again.... Lu is so excited for her to come because Nie does her hair and plays with her toys (she only has boys so far).

Anyway, that is us. As soon as I find the camera I will take pictures. I get Lu registered for school tomorrow, Norah is sleeping just fine while sharing a room with Jacob and we are all getting into a rhythem. Oh, Jacob has already broken the bathtub drain; and actually left the plumber speechless. It took him (the plumber) an HOUR to dismantle the entire thing and fix the spring loaded drain. He kept telling me "I don't know how such a small person could have done so much damage..." Yes, well, read the blog buster and you will also think yourself lucky that it only cost 200$ and a new drain. It could have been MUCH worse. The 48 hour talley-- House = 0 / Jacob = 3. He has also already figured out how to unlock and open our new, screenless windows (the beautiful kind that crank open). The goal for the next 48 hours is to keep him from falling to his death from his bedroom. Good times.

Acutally, Jacob is thrilled with the new place. There are a million boxes outside and he gets to spend all day OUTSIDE, hitting the boxes with a big stick. In fact, all three kids have been outside most of the day. I knew having a yard was going to be good, but this is REALLY good. Our wonderful nanny, Emma (who tag teams with our other wonderful nanny, Erin) has been taking the kids to the park each day, walking them everywhere, making brownies and even taught them about sour grass (a yellow flower that kids love to chew on... I had never heard of this, but apparently I am the only child on earth that hasn't....). What am I going to do when she is gone? She is going to Nepal for a few months to work with children there. Emma, I don't believe that those kids need you more than MY kids (just kidding). Good thing we have Erin, but she is leaving me too shortly to go have a fun and exciting life starting her own business and being awesome in the Pacific Northwest. Whatever. Actually, we are VERY blessed to have both of these people in our lives right now. The kids love them and they are helping me out so much. I am just glad I get them while I do.

Wow, off to go find the woodland creatures and make some sort of dinner (lets see.... mac and cheese, or mac and cheese? Or Girl Scout cookies. No wait, we had those last night...). I will find the camera someday......

We did it!!

2008-03-08T04:11:00.000-08:00

We got the house packed (and mostly loaded) thanks to the nicest Pacific Islander guys ever. They even managed to not kill the peanut (who was underfoot more than I would have liked). We used an excellent moving company from this area that is woman owned. They came it at a higher estimate, but there are NO hidden costs. They will move my furniture 11 times if necessary for me to get it where I like it. They even know the names of the hermit crabs. They just might be our new best friends....

No one cried. No one had a baby. Victory on both counts (for me).

Today it all gets put in the new place. This is such a relief. Even with all the running I have done I am feeling great and not having any more contractions. I think the stress of anticipating moving was worse than the actual chore. Go figure.

Our cable and Internet won't be up until Monday. I did a half hearted attempt at sending the new address and phone number to my phone book, but like all things these days, didn't manage to get most people. Drop me an e mail if I missed you and I will send it right out. I will be sending a "we've moved/baby announcement" as soon as little G shows up, but if you need it before then, let me know.

Have a great weekend everyone and we will catch you early next week.

News is news...

2008-03-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

I am happy to say that playing the odds FINALLY worked in our favor. We got a call back from the Neurologist tonight (how great is that? She called us this evening...) and there is no mass. That is the good news. Pretty much rulering out anything in her little noggin besides what is supposed to be there is good news. The bad news (if you can even call it that) is that it doesn't explain the behavior that made them think it was there in the first place. It also doesn't give us an "easy" answer for the delays. But, we will keep looking.

I have seen some great progress in the peaknuckle over the last few weeks. She will now point to (and recognize) her nose on a semi consistent basis, she decided to stand up all by herself last night (she just got on her knees and stood up...but she hasn't done it since), and she is pretty much constantly yelling "Jacob, NO". She may only have 8 words, but she puts them together..so that is something. She also is acting more and more toddler like each day; getting into mischief, dumping out boxes of things, playing in the toilet, getting into the shoes (and pretty much always going for the Gucci first, so she IS a smart girl) and throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Totally normal (and in the tantrum department, might I even say ADVANCED) behavior.

I'll take it.

I am too tired to put a picture up, so this is another boring word post. I have stopped having contractions despite all the running around I have been doing. The house is mostly packed and what I don't get to, the packers will do. By Saturday it will all be moved to the new house. All the utilities are ready to go, we signed the papers on the house today and close on Friday, the cleaners are all lined up and I even managed to weed out unneeded books/papers and clothes. I am on FIRE.

How much do you want to bet I have this baby Sunday once everything is done? My OB is already down for 100$.... any takers?

The word of the day is prayer..

2008-03-02T10:10:00.000-08:00

*** Update. We got the MRI and it all went smoothly. N didn't have any reactions to the meds.. in fact, I have never seen her SO animated. She was singing like a drunken sailor. I have a good idea of what she would be like drunk (the best part? She kept taking a toy car and would push it in wobbly circles on the bed with a very loud, very wet "vrrroooomm"). Even when she was going under, the nurses warned that some kids get very agitated. Norah just laughed like an evil genius. Coming out, she just sang and sang. I guess all the prayers worked. We should have results on Thursday. THANK YOU for all your prayers and thoughts. It worked!! ****

Even if you aren't a "prayer" please keep our little Norah in your thoughts. Tomorrow is the big day, the MRI. This is what we have been waiting for since we heard the words "we suspect there may be a mass in your daughters brain" over two months ago.

We have had many appointments leading up this with all kinds of experts trying to pin down exactly what is causing the delays (my vote is still on "stubborn diva with an attitude" but that is another story). The MRI will tell us, or rule out, tumors, cancer, etc, etc. That is the big one.

The test is at 1:00 pm PST..... keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't suddenly get a cold (they won't do it if she is sick) and that everything goes smoothly. I was in early labor all weekend and have been on official bed rest.... so my goal was to make it to Monday. At this point, after the test, the baby can come any time as far as I am concerned, though it would be nice for her to wait until after the weekend so we can move...

I'll let you all know....

Random Thoughts

2008-02-26T19:42:00.001-08:00

--I love Thai food. The whole family went to Thai last week and even though we made the poor servers overload with stress (Cubby wanted to serve himself from their bowls) the food was so GOOD. My favorite is.......all of it. I love the Tom Kum Ka soup (coconut milk, lemongrass, broccoli and cabbage--the perfect combo of sweet, sour and hot) the most. I want to be marinated in a vat of it when I am buried. I also want a gallon of it waiting for me when I have this baby. Not kidding.

--I have a new testimony of "lowering the bar and being awesome" (a la, Oh Judy, CJane and many, many others). I find that it is MUCH happier to be surprised at how GREAT I am than being guilty at not doing enough. I have very low expectations for my kids and myself and each night go to bed thinking "WAY TO GO!!! You are AWESOME". Seriously. NPR did a program on this recently, and said how people who have realistic expectations say that they are happier. Makes sense to me. My expectations this week? 1) children fed, not off the floor 2) house kept "clean-ish". That means clean enough that all garbage gets thrown away, but I don't have to bend over more than necessary. I'll just tip my ladies really well this week 3) Don't have a baby 4) Get dressed in something clean. See how easy it is!! I really am awesome.

--I don't have many clothes that fit me now. I have stayed about the same size on the bottom (pretty much, it just all redistributed itself). I lost a lot of weight during the hell that was last summer and now, at 9 months pregnant, weigh about the same. I gained more than I should have this pregnancy, but since I am eating whatever I want, it is a fair trade. This week, though, my shirts are JUST a bit too short. I am constantly doing the "pull, pull, tuck, tuck" thing. It kind of drives me crazy, but I am too lazy to buy new clothes. Am I the only one that does this? Can I tough it out for a few more weeks? Will I just have to wear the last two shirts for the next month. Maybe. What can you do? ;-)

--I might be obsessed with food (shocker). I had another Reuben for lunch today. Heaven. I slather it with horseradish and cranberry mustard. Enough said. I had one waiting for me when I had Lauren. My favorite is from a place called Max's. We stopped there on the way home from the hospital when Lu was born. It was each kids first "outing". They changed their menu recently, so the food isn't as good as it was, but it is still my first choice. Lucky for me, our new house is just a few blocks from another Max's. And a Thai place. The really important stuff (I hear the schools are good too).

--My whole family is pretty much in bed by 7:00 pm. Really. I wish that I could totally blame it on my husband's early schedule, but my kids play hard and all I can think about is sleep. I assume that this is a pregnancy thing. I also have stopped checking my phone messages. I might check the missed calls log, but don't count on it. I know this is terrible, but if you want me, e mail me. This is all part of project Lowering The Bar.

--I watched the Oscars, but got bored after the 37th red dress. The best part was when a very impaired Gary Bussey kissed Jennifer Garner on the neck during her interview with Ryan Seacrest. She had NO idea who he was, and to be fair, he did look like a homeless guy wandering the carpet. That Gary is always good for a laugh. He then tried to be best friends with Ryan and Ryan played it off pretty well. Good times. I didn't see any of the movies so I assume that the people who won deserved it. If they didn't, I don't really care.

--Thanks to the raves on Rarely Home Mom, I started watching The Biggest Looser. Now I am obsessed with it. Pretty much that and the Animal channel (along with my boyfriends) take up my TV time. Tonight one of the trainers, Jillian, was dealing with one of the girls who didn't want to keep going with her workout and she said "Do one more or I am going to rip your arm out of the socket and beat you over the head with it". Now THAT is a good motivator. I am going to have to remember that one.

--I have decided that along with not checking my messages, I am not going to do links on my blog for awhile. You know the trick where you make the word the link? It takes too much time (I have to go back and find the website that explains it, and then I might actually have to engage my brain.......). Sorry to my 12 readers for the inconvenience, but not sorry enough to do it.

--I have also decided that I am not going to make my daughter do her homework for the next two weeks until we move. Nor will I go to the parent/teacher conference this week (sorry mom and all you other teachers). I am not impressed with her teacher, and since I have very low expectations you can assume that she is REALLY something else. She is pretty much a worksheet teacher, and does not do any creative classroom things that I can see. She is sarcastic to my daughter and I have had words with her in the past about her attitude towards my girl (who is the sweetest thing, but still 7, so I am sure has her share of sass. Guess what? Don't teach 2nd grade if you don't like the age). Even though we go to a public school, this school gets A LOT of money from the parents. Each CLASS has a yearly fundraising goal of $1.5 million. Yes, million. The tickets to the yearly fundraiser "hoedown" are $250 per person, not including the food tickets. People donate and auction off things like trips to Mexico in private jets, stays in guest houses in Europe or Asia, vintage wine, lunch with the President, etc, etc. Not really my peer group. They also pride themselves on paying their teachers more, giving more, having small class room ratios etc, etc. So, frankly, I expect more from her teachers than a regular, overworked, trying her hardest w/ too many kids in the class teacher. Too bad. I also think that sarcasm has no place in the classroom. I also don't like passive/aggressive. So, I will take it out in my own passive/aggressive way by not having her do her homework. I realize that she will still need to know the info from the worksheets, but frankly I think she has too many anyway.

--This baby is going to show up soon. I keep trying to ignore it but it seems like it is still going to happen. I have one outfit, I will find the carseat in the move and the hospital will give us diapers. She can sleep in a laundry basket in the closet for the first little while like all the rest of my kids did. So, in theory, we are ready.

--I really am not as ambivalent about children and my life as it might seem. Just logical and content. Things are going really well here. Derek is working hard, we are about to move into our house, I just conned one of my sisters into helping me unpack (thanks Nie), I have good friends, good family and occasionally (like today) my kids go for more than an hour without fighting. What more does one need? Besides more Thai food, of course.

Welcome to my mind. Do you wish that I would go back to pictures (and can anyone tell me why the formatting on Blogger is so LAME? It doesn't want me to keep spaces between my paragraphs).

Seaworld...

2008-02-23T21:53:00.000-08:00

I am sorry I have been absent, but here are a few pictures to tide you over. We had a family trip to SeaWorld and Disneyland in January. We met up with two of my sisters and their kids. It was fun to see all the kids together, hopped up on sugar, being crazy.....

The kids loved the stingrays this time. We spent a LOT of time here....

After the Shamu show (which the kids were only semi interested in, but one of my niece's loved and kept shouting "Shampoo!! Shampoo!!) Jacob took great delight in feeding the seagulls his extra popcorn. For a few minutes we thought some of them might carry him away... he loved it.
D with Jacob and my niece Rapunzel. The had a good time picking up the starfish and then throwing them back. Poor starfish. Cubby and L are only a few weeks apart in age, Norah and Tank are just a few weeks apart too, we love to steal thunder in our family (our kids are younger and showed up w/ short notice..there is a new family joke that when someone has a baby, it means we are going to adopt again... ).

It is not fair for such a small girl to have SUCH beautiful, long hair. Lucky Rapunzel (unlucky mamma that has to brush it!!)

Tank and Norah (2 weeks apart) running around by the penguin exhibit. Penguins smell. Really, really smell. Ick.

D helping Norah practice walking. So close. We are SOOO close (and this is the point where she usually throws herself on the ground and screams bloody murder b/c she does NOT want to practice walking). Stubborn little lady.

Norah wasn't quite as enamoured with the starfish as the rest of the kids.

Baby Bird... she is Rapunzel's baby sister. She is the happiest baby EVER!

Here are my sister Nie's kids. Tank is in the back and in the front is The Monkey Man. They are the dynamic duo. One sister has two girls, the other has two boys. We are all about symmetry in our family....

Aunt Nie brings the good stuff. Nothing like suckers to keep everyone happy. We might have gone through her entire, huge Ziploc bag...... oops.

Just to clarify, I know it looks like Tank has just returned from an Ultimate Fighting match (that he lost), but really he just loves to fall down; down stairs, off chairs, etc, etc. The poor boy was sporting several goose eggs. I know Nie thinks that everyone will think she did this to her kids, but they do a great job whacking up themselves (and for them, it is all in a day's adventure, they have no consideration for their poor mamma!!!).

The end of the day it got REALLY cold and foggy. We loaded the kids up on peanut butter and funnel cake and prepared ourselves for two fun filled days at the Happiest Place on Earth......

Domicile

2008-02-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

Holy Cow!! It was so fun to house shop and day dream about our house. Finding my dream home was just the icing on the cake. We are so excited to move in. Today it hit me. I have to MOVE. That means packing things in boxes (the easy part for me) and UNPACKING them on the other side (not my favorite part, in fact, there are a few boxes that I never unpacked from the summer--score!). That means work. I also just realized that I am going to have a baby. I have been ignoring that for the last 6 months, not because of her extra 21st chromosome, but because I DON"T HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER CHILD. Strangely, she is coming anyway. In 5 weeks.

Crap.

Since my sweet husband (who is on the mend, btw) took the kids away, I was planning on doing lots of pre moving stuff. I was even going to clean the cars and organize the garage. Instead, I have eaten 3 Ruben sandwiches (my favorite, don't forget the cranberry mustard), watched the Animal Planet Channel almost non-stop (WHY? I hate animals.... something is wrong with me..) and pretty much have not moved off the couch except to fetch the occasional diaper for Norah. It is a good thing that my husband does not read my blog because I feel guilty for not being more productive. Not guilty enough to get off my rear and DO something.....

I finally got my hands on some pictures of the house. I didn't want to post the link because it has the price on it and that is tacky (although, I did send the link to a few friends and didn't realize that it wasn't just the PICTURES... sorry). I am going to give you a walking tour that might be a bit too involved for the average reader, but since most of my family will likely never see it in real life, this is the next best thing. This is also for you AJ... but I fully expect YOU to see it in real life someday. The rest of you are invited too, come visit San Francisco and stay for dinner!

I am very excited to get settled. I think that I am the only person on the planet that isn't on the Mid Century Modern bandwagon. I really do love the style and have often been envious about some of the homes and designs of my friends (and we have some families in our ward that have refurbished some Eichlers that would take your breath away). I am an Arts and Crafts girl. MCM just isn't my thing. It isn't how I live. The very first piece of furniture that I bought was Arts and Crafts (sometimes called Mission style). In fact, ALL my furniture is. Arts and Crafts style was a backlash of the very ornate Victorian style. Instead of being fussy and swirly, it is simple, dark woods, natural, straight lines, exposed beams (thanks to my sister Jen for giving me some good background). It is just very clean and simple. It feels very calm and the symmetry appeals to me. The best part about our new house is that the architecture is decoration enough. A few family pictures and we are set...

So, here is is!

Welcome to my home, come on up to my front porch!!

This is just inside the front door. This was the original porch of the house but now it is a really large entry way. There are glass "windows" on all the sides. One shows the outside (the one you see here) the other shows you a view into the front room, the other, into the dining room. So, even though it is dark wood, it feels very light and open. Also, the lot is very narrow, but this is the only place in the house where you can see the neighbor's house...

Just to the right of where this picture ends (by the crosses and the heart chest) is the open entryway. There are built in shelves in the left corner and that awesome fireplace (which will not be used for a LONG time. It needs to be completely upgraded inside and out). It is a smallish room, but since this is a dedicated "front room" that won't have a TV or anything child related it doesn't really matter. It is still a light and happy space.

When I saw this picture on the web listing I actually gasped. This is on the other side of that glass wall in the entryway. This space is the same size as the front room, but it means we have a dedicated dining room (something we have never had before). On the left wall (you can't see it) is some really interesting, but beautiful, built in drawers and cupboards. They are original to the house and will give us some great storage. You can't really see it, but at the top of the room where the wood meets the (original) wall paper there is a little ledge with some wonderful detail work. Can't you just see candles all around the room? Sigh.

This is the kitchen. The little window on the top left of the photo (by the fridge) is a little open window into the dining room. The kitchen was updated in 2005. AND it is dark wood. It even has an island that the kids can eat at (on my wish list) and a kitchen desk (something I have learned I can't live without). It is unusual to have a large kitchen in these old houses. Most have galley kitchens. The original owners knocked down some walls and made it a large space. Smart move and one of the reasons we knew we wanted it. It seems that around here you either get tiny dark rooms, or totally open floor plans. This was a nice middle ground (and one we preferred anyway).

This is the other view of the kitchen. It was taken from where the fridge it. On the left of the door that goes outside (so, behind that red chair) is the house access to the studio apartment. There is no picture of it, but it is up a flight of stairs. There is also outside access to the studio. The garage is on that side of the house and has been halfway turned into a playroom. That is a project we will finish in a few years. Until then it will be an exercise/storage room. There is a full bath and kitchen in the studio and a half bath and laundry room downstairs at the back of the garage.

This is the little family room area just off the kitchen. This is idea because it is a small-ish space and it is close to the kitchen (where I tend to spend my time). The kids can be close by, but not right on top of me. Just to the right (you can see it in the previous picture) is the staircase. There is a little nook under the stairs that will just fit the toy shelves and play kitchen. Add a TV and comfy couch and we have a perfect play room/tv room. It is out of the way (and therefore doesn't have to be clean whenever the doorbell rings) and easy to clean up. Perfect. There is not a picture of it, but on the other side of the stairs is one bedroom. It will be Lauren's room.

This is the downstairs bathroom. It is right next to Lu's room. It was also updated in 2005, so everything is new.

At the top of the staircase is this large hallway. I love that it is big enough to put a comfy chair and bookshelf for a nice reading space, or a desk for a homework station. It is having these extra, usable spaces that make this a good house for us. Not really a "room" but space we can use. There is no picture, but there is a bathroom and a laundry room just on the other side of that red chair.... and upstairs laundry was also something that I have dreamed about.

This is the other upstairs bedroom. It is just big enough for a bed, a crib and a dresser. There is a big closet at the foot of the bed. This is all that Cubby and No need. It is also right next to the master bedroom, so the babies are really close by. Eventually, we will turn this into the little girl's rooms and put Cubby in the finished garage room. For now, I need to know what the little tornado is up to.

This is the master bedroom. Small-ish but perfect. It is big enough to fit a bed, a dresser, a chair and enough breathing room to not feel cramped, but not big enough for a weight bench and exercise bike. :-) I love that it is bright and airy. There is another window across from the bed (not pictured).

Here is the master bath. Another thing on my wish list (you know, the list of things that would make you pass out if you got it, but not something you expect...). There is a HUGE tub and a great shower. It is also updated and feels clean. We have always had old bathrooms. It seems that no matter how clean they are, they don't FEEL clean when they are old. It is a pretty small space, but perfect for us.

This was what put us over the top on this house (besides the studio apt). We knew we needed a place for full time help to live. That means that the fourth bedroom was gone. We weren't sure if there was a space to put the baby. This is the closet in the master bedroom. It is the size of the garage. They knocked a hole in the wall (and made a secret door that is behind a bookcase, very Scooby Doo). The first half is a huge closet with TONS of shelves. The second half is what will become the baby's nursery. There is plenty of room for a crib, a rocking chair, a changing table/dresser and a great window. We aren't sure if it is insulated, but since we OWN this house and don't have stupid home owners rules, we can put a window air unit if we need to. This becomes our 4th bedroom. It is quiet and private and means I can take care of baby in the night and not have to move to the couch (Derek gets a pass on night baby care since he works at 4:00 am..... ). Pretty slick, huh?

Finally, this is the whole reason we needed a bigger place. My poor Cubby needs a place to run around. The yard isn't very big, but it is big enough to have a sandbox, a play structure and room to hit a ball. We were kind of bummed that the deck takes up about half of the yard space and considered taking it out. When the engineers report came back, they told us that the yard doesn't have great drainage (all of our town is on a gentle upward slope and we are at the bottom. We needed to be sure that all the runoff didn't empty into our foundation) and that the problem area is under the deck. It needs to be taken up, have proper pipes put in and replaced. Sweet. We just won't replace it all the way. Problem solved. The other plus to this property is that because of the slope of the land, the property behind us sits on a terraced lot (so that no one has a slanted back yard). This means that the fence behind us is about 12 feet tall. The one on the left side of this picture is about 8 feet. The other side is the side of the garage/studio. All of this translates into 1) not seeing the neighbors and 2) a Cubby proof yard. I am sure he will figure out a way to escape from it somehow, but it might take us awhile.

So that is it!! Our new house. It feels like a great fresh start. A new school for the kids, a new town for us, closer to work for dad (and a MUCH shorter commute), a new congregation, a neighborhood with yards and trees and sidewalks and kids. I am very sad to leave our community here after 10 great years, but excited about getting to know the new one. Besides, we are only about 15 miles away. I will still be down here all the time for doctors appointments and play dates. So it isn't REALLY goodbye.

Ahhh....love....

2008-02-15T08:51:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone had a great Valentines Day. I sure did.

My husband gave me the best Valentines gift ever!!! It just so happened that he has been out of town for the previous week, leaving me with the kids (pictures of the mass destruction to follow). His family was going to Utah to ski for the long weekend, so he took the big kids. Away. ALL OF THE LONG WEEKEND. This might not be as significant to you as it is for me, but I have to say that this has been bliss. I can actually hear the silence. I haven't said a negative word in hours. I can do what I want, when ever I want (and so far that has meant sleeping a lot). I cleaned the kitchen and did the laundry and picked up the toys... AND IT IS STILL DONE!!!!

It is just me and Miss Norah and we are having a ball. I so rarely get quiet time with her, it has been really fun to work with her on her therapies as well as just chill out with her. She actually does better (and eats better) when things aren't so crazy. It has taught me the value of getting this girl away from the chaos every so often and giving her quiet time with us (and re-enforcing that getting lots of help this year is a GOOD thing). I watched all my TV boyfriends (and some of yours), went to bed at 8:30 (even bypassing a girls night out, that is how crazy I am). My ladies are here and I don't have to go to McDonalds. I get to blog instead. Sigh. This is the good life.

Of course I miss my kids. I miss their little faces and their sweet words (those do occasionally pop out). I don't miss the markers on the wall, the mustard on the floor, the squabbles, the referee-ing, the constant messes, the diapers, the baths, the fighting, the whining, arguing about what Lu is NOT allowed to wear to school (tank tops and sparkly tights... NO), making bacon 3 times a day because that is all Cub will eat right now, car seats, Yo Gabba, etc, etc. This might sound terrible, but I just needed a vacation from my kids. Things are about to get pretty nuts around here and I can't imagine that there will be a time that I can do this again.

Even though I didn't NEED a vacation from the husband, it is nice not to have ANYONE to answer to. Do you know what makes it even better? He is SO sick (I just found out that he might have pneumonia). So, while he is dealing with the squabbles, the ski clothes, the diapers, and hacking up his lungs, I get to go to the mall and eat tortilla soup.

Love doesn't have to be passion and roses and chocolates (although those are nice too). Sometimes love is getting the H$&% out of dodge.

Ah, Love.

My new TV boyfriend....

2008-02-12T20:05:00.000-08:00

I have one (or two). Do you? I also have a movie star boyfriend. My husband has movie star girlfriends. It is something that we laugh about. It is funny how the girls that I think are really pretty are not the ones he does, and vice versa. All the guys that he thinks girls would like remind me of child molesters (and they will remain nameless on this blog...the stars, not the child molesters... if I knew any I would let you know...).

AnyHOOOO, back to my new TV boyfriend. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to Dr. Drew.

I know, I know. You have seen him on MTV and on (horror) The Tyra Banks show and other MTV Generation type places. I thought the same thing: "Dr. Drew, you are a sell out, what can you do for me?" Well, he has brought us the little nugget called Celebrity Rehab. I had no desire to watch this show. I didn't need to see a show that was all about watching the train wreck similar to what we are watching with Britney Spears on a daily basis (seriously, how is it possible to NOT know what she is doing? It is everywhere). A friend told me that she watched it and it was surprisingly real, interesting and touching. With the writers strike and all, I decided to try it. I recorded it and watched it one night while folding one trillion loads of laundry (it really was one trillion). It was gripping. It was sad. I was ENTHRALLED. I was impressed with the process. Dr. Drew has a nice combo of being empathetic and compassionate, but still tough and realistic.

The "celebrities" are in varying stages of denial and readiness to be sober. I have been in front of my fair share of therapists. I have been in situations with myself and loved ones where change needs to happen and sometimes we are ready and sometimes we are not. It is a process and frankly, I saw a lot of real reactions there. I know that much of it is in the editing, but it was great. So, if you are looking for a pretty decent show, try this one. It isn't the run of the mill celebrity rehab show. But, remember that I feed my kids McDonalds and read US Weekly and People. If you are holy, you might want to skip it. Plus, tell me that he isn't a handsome silver haired man with wicked guns. I think of Dr. Drew as the icing on the cake....

Escape to Chimp Eden's Eugene Cussons aka "The new Crocodile Hunter"

The other show that I am strangely obsessed with is the new Animal Planet show "Escape to Chimp Eden". Again, I know. I am not an animal person, at ALL. I have always had a soft spot for chimps though. I recorded this one on a whim and loved it. He is the new Steve Irwin. This crazy guy lives in South Africa and goes around Africa saving and rehabilitating chimps. He is a lot like the crocodile hunter in the sense that he is a guy with an accent that is INSANE, but you can see that he feels strongly about what he does. It is also slightly more interesting to watch him wrestle with the chimps than crocs for some reason. It's another one to check out, and this coming from me... the non animal person.

A few other shows that I have been watching (and to be honest, haven't really noticed the writers strike because I haven't been watching network shows) are No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain. You might have seen him as a judge on Top Chef or read one of his books. His shows are on the Travel Channel. He goes to different cities and countries and checks out the local cuisine and customs and filters it all for you through his 51 year old, New Yorker, slightly alcoholic eyes. It is a riot and always interesting. There is also a really great blog on the Travel Channel site about this show too. Some of you are already fans, so you can back me up on this one.

Last, I love the other Travel Channel show called Bizarre Eats with Andrew Zimmerman. He goes to other countries and shows you all the things that they eat that would make most of us gag here in our peanut butter and fast food world. It is strangely compelling and off putting at the same time. I can say that I get a new appreciation for other cultures and foods, even if I never want to eat Nigerian hot pot made with singed cow skin. You don't have to pay too much attention and you might get the added benefit of your kids seeing it and being just a tiny bit more grateful for the meal they are getting.

So there you have it. This is the TV that I watch when I have a minute. I actually end up watching most of this stuff in the middle of the night. I am in that phase of pregnancy where I am up a lot at night and I catch up on all my shows then. I have a feeling that this will continue when I have a little one wanting to eat at night.

What other shows am I missing? What are you watching? Inspire me.

We are at McDonalds, so it must be Friday....

2008-02-09T16:26:00.000-08:00

Real men wear tutu's. Two of them.

So, today is Friday.

Fridays are one of the very few "scheduled" days at my house. In my dream world I would do laundry on a specific day, and grocery shop on other specific days, but I tend to be more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of mom. Fridays are the exception. That is because the cleaning ladies come on Friday. My kids call them the "ladies". I call them the "magical fairies that come to make the whole world a better place and keep my toilets clean".

I like my title better.

The ladies show up at 8:30 sharp. I am their first stop. Usually I try and have the dishes done and all the rooms picked up. We usually get this done. This leaves them to do the deep cleaning. They have a rotating system, one week they deep clean the kitchen (fridge, oven, baseboards, etc), the next week it is bathrooms, the next it is bedrooms and furniture (seriously, does anyone ever vacuum their furniture? Or under it? My ladies do!!!), etc. It is worth every single penny. What I love the best about it is that it starts the clock over each week. I am pretty good about keeping it up in between visits, but there are times when it all goes to pot and I still get to start the weekend with a tidy house.

I use an agency for the service, but get the same ladies each time. They don't speak any English (they do say "Hi Jacob") and I speak no Spanish, but they are the highlight of my week. They always look at all my kids and my growing belly and I think they feel kind of sorry for me. How do I know? Well, the times that I don't get everything picked up they actually put the toys in the proper bins instead of just putting it on the first available surface (which they should TOTALLY do, as I am in charge of picking up, not them). They are great.

The only problem with having the ladies come over so early is that my kids like to "help". The kind of help that isn't much help at all. We try to leave, but finding places to go at 8:00 am isn't as easy as you would think. The answer was, of course, McDonalds. Where else can you eat a delicious sausage sandwich, drink Diet Coke and let your kids exhaust themselves? There is one not too far from me that has a great playground. Lots of tubes and slides for the big kids and a toddler area for Nori. Lots of tables where I can keep an eye on the kids and write out my to do lists and meal plans (or read US Weekly, whatever). Lauren doesn't start school until 10:30 (I know, gag). So we get to have a good long play date, a "healthy" breakfast and leave our ladies in peace.

So go ahead and add this to my list of mother of the year. Yes, my children eat at McDonalds once a week. Even the baby. I could make excuses but I won't. I know that my children eat a balance of healthy and junk. That is the life I choose. Bravo to all you parents that only feed their children organic, healthy things. I love that, in theory. In reality, I buy Trader Joe's cheesy poufs (and they disappear SO fast in my house), chocolate, McDonalds and more than twice this week dinner has consisted of Shrek Chicken Noodle Soup and peaches. Ok, more than three times. I don't spend much time on mom guilt. I am doing the best I can. It seems to be good enough. There is always room for improvement (like yesterday when I was "yelling mom"). But, I choose to give myself a break.

I was worried that I would miss my ladies with this move. I asked them if they worked in the town we are moving to (just about 15 miles north). They told me that they would come work for me on the weekend, not through the agency, because they like us. It turns out that more than half of the money I am paying doesn't go to them. I can pay the same amount of money for a bigger place, still have a weekend slot and THEY make more money. Everyone wins. Rosa has three kids in Mexico and Ana has two kids here (amazing how much I can learn when neither of us speaks the same language...). I think that is a fair deal...I might be trying to justify poaching them a TINY bit, but they are doing it on their time off, so it isn't that big of a deal.

Happy Monday!! I know that most of you guys are still buried in snow. We are holding steady at 70 degrees. It is a good day.

Goals today: Keep Jacob out of the makeup. Have ONE conversation w/ my 7 year old where she doesn't cry, feed Norah at least one bottle of baby food and one piece of cheese, take a nap.

Again, lower the bar and you can get it ALL done... ;-)

Sunshine!!!

2008-02-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

Sunshine!!!

We finally have a day without rain! I can't believe it. It is still cold (California cold, not real world cold) and so we have been OUTSIDE. Hurrah.I wrote that "to do" list because I thought it was the most random and eclectic list of things to do in one day, not because it was a particularly busy day... it was actually a great day and I got most things done. I did not, however, stay away from the pie. It was GOOOOOOOD.I did end up getting Cubby's sutures out a few nights ago. It was, uhm, an experience. The only time I could get was 6:00 pm.... so I knew I had to ditch 2/3 of the kids. I dropped the girls off at the fabulous Suzi's house. When I showed up, her house was quiet and clean, the kids had their jammies on (her kids, not mine), the table was set and candles lit with a lovely fire in the fireplace. It was such a good example of peace and calm. It reminds me that it really makes a difference on how the house feels when you do a little bit of prep. I need to work on that. As Suzi pulled a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies out she sent me on my way as the children ran into the play room and started to play, WITH EACH OTHER. That is the magic of Suzi's house.

We raced to the doctor and Jacob was fine, all smiles and silly words. He had a pen and paper and pretended to take my order for food for a long time. I checked in and told the nurse that I was going to need some help and that there was NO WAY I could hold him down. My exact words were "he is freakishly strong". She laughed and sent me into a room. The doctor came, looked at him and decided to put some of that numbing stuff on him. Again I said "he is really strong, we are going to need at least two other people to hold him down.... or a Valium, he, he". She did the sympathetic head tilt thing and looked at me with an "oh, you moms are so funny, but I am the doctor and I know what I am doing" expression. I gave her my best "seriously, this kid is freakishly strong, you will just have to see" expression and we were off.

The SECOND Cubby saw the scissors (that is what they hold the needle with when putting them in, so that was his trauma trigger) he started to struggle. We wrapped him up in a sheet to restrain him, I held his body and the male nurse held his head. After struggling for about 5 minutes and not getting a single stitch out, she called for more help. I told her that I didn't think it would be enough.... another woman nurse showed up and held his lower body. Another 10 minutes (and still no stitches out) and she called for another nurse to come and hold his head. Two male nurses held his head; two of us held his body and it still took about 20 minutes to get them all out.

After it was over, Jacob was FINE, as in singing and laughing fine. The doctor said "wow, that was harder than I thought it would be" and I just looked at her with my least offensive "are you kidding me? I am his MOTHER. I know this kid and I told you so at least three times" look. I am too pregnant to use actual words you see. The best part was that the sheet was drenched from all his struggles and his skin was RED. If you can imagine how much it takes for my boy with skin the color of strong coffee to look red, you get an idea of how hard he was working. She did suggest that next time (and we all know that there will be a next time) they use dissolvable stitches.

No kidding.

Off to the park today. I am going to get some pictures of the house and give all the details on a post I am working on. I am trying to figure out how to get pictures off the "realtor’s tour" website with out showing the price..... Otherwise, I will just take pictures while it is empty. Have a good day. See, I am blogging more. I can follow through on a few things...

To Do List Today...

2008-02-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

1. Call following doctors and make appts for Norah: neruologist, dermatologist, audiologist and early intervention center. Force feed her in between (she gained 1 pound last month...hurrah, a pound that I EARNED with blood, sweat and tears).

2. Make coffin for/ plan burial service for Sleepy, the hermit crab. Poor Sleepy lasted just a few weeks. Gulp. My daughter does NOT handle death of pets well. Maybe that is why we shouldn't have let her have any more.

3. Take Jacob to the doctor so we can get his stitches out. Prepare to be verbally abused (he kept calling the doctor "stupid, you are so stupid" when he got them in. That is the ultimate swear in our house) and kicked. This kid is freakishly strong.

4. Get glitter glue off Jacob's face and hair before I take him in.

5. Wash brush and comb Norah's hair. Braid.

6. Buy a house and try and figure out WHY this was a good idea when I am seconds from delivering a baby. Get mortgage loan papers to realtor. Confirm last two inspections and review and sign counter offer. We decided to start "looking" 9 days ago.... more on this story later....

7. Two loads of laundry. This MUST be done because we are all running around either half naked (Jacob), in our worst and least favorite maternity shirt (me) or dress-ups (the girls).

8. Try NOT to eat the entire Key Lime Pie in my fridge that is for a friend. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..

There you have it. That is seriously my to do list today. Any ideas how to get glitter glue off a small boy? A nice scripture for Sleepy the Hermit Crab? Key Lime Pie? Anyone?

P.S. Spell check wouldn't work on this post and I am too lazy to retype this on Word and make sure I spelled everything right. If I show my uneducated spelling roots here, oh well. My teacher mother will be horrified, but I am too tired. Did I mention that my children are vampires and don't sleep at night? ;-)

Catch up.... or not?

2008-01-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to post forever, but I feel like there is so much to cover. Here is just a smidgen:

--the wicked Billy Joel concert we attended

--Christmas/New Years stuff--goodwill and resolutions and all that stuff

--The trip to Park City

--Our awesome trip to Disneyland

--The sewage saga. Will it ever end? Who knows.......

--MLK Day. I have some strong feelings about this. Apparently not strong enough.

--being pregnant

--our impending minivan purchase

--Jacob resisting potty training unless he gets "Diet Coke" as his potty treat

--The "I promise it is coming" Down Syndrome post

--Norah's development and health--new big and scary stuff coming down the pike

--The other children (yes, they exist and are pretty funny)

--Our visit with Jacob's family

And the list goes on. I want to post about these things b/c this is my journal and I don't want to miss recording these things. I feel like I need to sit down and write a BIG entry about it. When that doesn't happen, it just doesn't get done at all. Maybe this is like what they always tell you about scrap booking (not that I do that either). Just start where you are.

So, where we are today is pretty mellow. Yesterday I got a pedicure and had lunch with my dear friend Suzi (who will forever remain blog-less, which is sad b/c she has a LOT of great things to offer). Red toes and all the Thai food I could eat, and these days that is a lot. Yum. It was very good for my soul. I had hoped that it would mean I would come home and be motivated to attack the laundry, before it attacked me. Sadly, all it made me want to do is take a nap. So I did. Today the laundry and I are going to have a little talk.

It is still raining here and it hasn't been above 50 degrees all week and apparently it won't go above that for the next week or so. Now, I know that many of you are languishing in the snow and much colder temperatures than that. You are shoveling driveways and scraping cars. That stinks, it really does. But frankly, I don't want to hear about it. If you live somewhere with snow you EXPECT it to get cold there, so you own things like coats and scarves and shoes that require socks. There is a reason why I live where I do. I want to be able to take my kids to the park all year long. I don't want to bundle them into long pants, shoes, coats, etc, etc. Everyone here pays approximately one hundred kajillion dollars to live here. The thing that we always tell each other to make us feel better about the fact that no one has a yard and that we will always live in a condo is "well, the weather really is great... and you can't beat the parks". When the weather is cold and rainy, we all start to get a little bit bitter about our rent/mortgage payment. There isn't enough room in my house for Jacob to get his wiggles out. That is why, right now I am letting him cut apart a bag of peperoni with scissors while watching "Buzz Lightyears". What else is he supposed to do? (OK, relax, I do entertain him and they are not big kid scissors, I am just making a point).

OK, I just felt guilty enough to send him out to the back porch where he is now playing in the rain and rotting leaves. MUCH better.

Actually not. It is 15 minutes later and he has returned covered with a strange silvery, glitter like powder. Let's hope it isn't toxic. I better go investigate and decide if I need to call poison control yet again.....

Whew, it was only (only!!) Lauren's makeup kit. And there is lip gloss involved too. Good times.

Don't think that I am being a downer or am grumpy, I actually am not. Things are going pretty well. I am feeling great. I don't think that I am too big, pregnancy wise. I have gained more than I would have liked, but that is because I never stop eating, so it is only to be expected. In fact, right now, we are eating a breakfast of baby back ribs. They are leftover from a football party last week. I toss the almost cleaned bones to Norah in her chair and Jacob (when he isn't cutting the peperoni) at the table and they clean off the bones for me. EVERYONE WINS. Norah has even rubbled some bar-b-que sauce in her hair. This should make brushing it out later a little bit more fun. Have you ever brushed sauce out of a 6 inch afro? It is slightly more fun than cleaning the closet and less fun that wrestling a bobcat. Come on over if you want to give it a shot.

I have a great babysitter who loves my kids. I trust her with them and they love her. She is black and does great things with Norah's hair. There is only one tiny problem. She only shows up half the time. Other times, she shows up on days that I didn't schedule her. We have liked her so much we have not been too harsh about it, but that has to change. I keep missing doctor appointments and have to scramble to reschedule and find last minute sitters. I hate doing that. So, back on the nanny hunt. The irony is that we pay top salary AND we used an agency to find her. We aren't trying to nickle and dime here. We want to pay someone that will stick around, love our kids and compensate them in a way that makes them have some loyalty to us. Here comes the irony, NO ONE WANTS TO DO IT!! My standards are very low. In fact, I told the agency that I was looking for someone who would 1) show up and 2) keep the kids alive. I told you. I would have thought that low standards and top dollar would be a winning combination.

You might wonder why I need a nanny. That is a good question. Almost everyone I know has as many (or more) kids than I do and they do it all by themselves. Some of them even manage to start businesses and do artistic things like paint or sew on the side. That amazes me. I have been accused of not wanting to spend time with my kids and even "why did you have kids anyway if you aren't going to spend time with them". To those people I always want to answer "Surely you know it is because I hate children". But I don't. I WANT to, but I don't. I have a nanny for many reasons. Not that I need anyone's permission or give to much thought to what others think, but I might as well put it out there. First of all, I never thought that I would be the SAH mom that had "help". I made fun of those moms. And like everything else I made fun of as a youngster, I have become it. At the beginning of the summer I found myself in a situation where I needed to be at least two places at once and NONE of those places was appropriate for children. Add to that the fact that the children needed to be places too, it just became clear that there wasn't enough of me to go around. I hired my fantastic "manny" for the summer (Hi, Julian) and I was hooked. Julians job was to make Jacob tired, mostly. He could have Norah on his hip and chase Jacob and take them swimming and on walks and basically occupy him while I went to various appointments and took Lauren to her camp/lessons, etc. It was heaven. Soon we moved back into our house and I still found myself needing to be in more than once place at once. Between myself and Norah, there are a lot of doctors to see. When the new one shows up she will have more appointements and theapies than the rest of us put together. Hence the nanny. Also, I consider it the ultimate luxury to go shopping (I am talking Target/Safeway shopping, not fun stuff like mall shopping) without children. It makes me happy. THAT, my friends is why I want a nanny. We are lucky that my husband's job provides us with enough income to provide this luxury. We are UN-lucky in the fact that he is not here from the hours of 4:00 am to 6:00 pm daily, and often travels. I also have house cleaners, but that is a post for another day...

So, that was long and rambling but it is the state of affairs in our home these days. We are crusing along. I am feeling the itch to be more creative, to sew or to read. This might be nesting (I am not the type that wants to clean when nesting....).

I also miss my blog. I haven't done it for a long time and there have been some great stories. When I walk into my kitchen, the computer looks at me like a neglected pet. Then I feel guilty ad yell at it and walk away.

I have been reading blogs and feel like I am totally caught up in blogland........ so that is something.

I'll be back soon. I promise.

Wahhhhh...

2008-01-05T15:36:00.000-08:00

I know it has been donkey's years since I posted and I have lots to tell, some fun ER stories about Jacob (electrocution!! stitches!!!), Christmas, Norah talking, Lauren's new pet, etc...

Right now we are on our third day of rain. We were so smug b/c we didn't loose power. Then the septic tank backed up onto our newly refinished floors (as in three days ago). All the storm drains are backing up in the entire state (it feels like) and no one can use the toilets at our house.

Good times. And only 5 more days of rain to go....

I'll be back when it doesn't smell like poo anymore. ;-)

Ill leave you with this photo of us trying to snap the kids in their Christmas Jammies. These really were the best ones.....

This weekend...

2007-12-06T12:21:00.001-08:00

We are going to

to see the

play the

spending hours in the freezing, freezing

But it's ok because afterwards we will eat

enjoy this

and this

and even try seeing one of these

and sleep in this

with none of these.

The woodland creatures will be cared for by

(note...not my real mom....)

who might go

but probably not, because we left her with lots of

and

(just kidding--sort of)

To everyone else not lucky enough to stand in the snow for a football game this weekend, have a good one anyway (and cheer for the Bronco's).....

Can't.... catch.... up.....

2007-12-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

Christmas card photo rejects....

Look at that snaggle tooth mouth? So cute...

All pictures of N were either with her hands on her face or her eyes were going in different directions. I couldn't get them both to focus on me for love OR money, and I offered both.

Cubby was giving me the stink eye the whole time.

...and N is finished. No more pictures.

Whew. We have been busy.

We have been ticking off our Christmas list. This year we made a list (as a family) of all the things we wanted to do this season. I really didn't think that we would do so well, but D has been really good about making sure we schedule in the time. So far we have managed to do the following:

--Attend the Nutcracker (a dance school production, very good and SHORT...)

--Decorate the house. I let Lu do it this year and it looks awesome. Mostly because I didn't have to do it.

--Get a tree. We even got the lights put on it. We haven't managed to get any ornaments on it yet. This week. Maybe.

--Decorate candy houses. I copied an idea that I saw on a craft blog (I am too lazy to do the link). I bought unfinished bird houses at the craft store. I painted them white and then varnished them. No more putting houses together. I can just wash them off and use them again next year. We also used leftover Halloween candy. I discovered the best things to use are Nerds (they make a cool cobblestone effect)and pixie sticks (to "color" the snow). We used no chocolate and it was just fine.

--Took the kids for "their" shopping trip. I am trying really hard to make Christmas about giving. We don't go overboard on the gifts really. Just a few for each person. I wanted each kid (the big ones anyway) to see what it is like to REALLY think about giving someone what they want/need. I had each of them think about what the other members of the family would like, then we went to the dollar store and they could choose whatever they wanted. They will wrap them all by themselves too.

--Make Christmas cards. I have not sent them yet. Not even close....

--Lauren requested to "have a dinner". I wasn't sure what that involved but it was really simple. Invite some friends to dinner. I kind of cheated and did this on the same night as the candy houses. We had

--See the creche exhibit at the church. Every year our stake puts on an amazing exhibit with hundreds of creches. I have been involved with it in years past, but this year it was nice to just go and see it. They have a kids room where the kids can try on costumes from the Nativity story, make a craft, watch a puppet show. Fun for about 10 minutes.

There are still several things we have to do. Things like putting ornaments on the tree and having a Family Movie Night where we get our jammies (thanks for the idea ~J). We go to the beach on the morning of Christmas Eve. We are also going to try and see the lights at the Oakland Temple. This one might not get accomplished this year. I also need to wrap the Christmas books so the kids can open one each day and read a new story. My mom gives us a Christmas story book each year, so we have a good collection. I am also looking for a good service project that would be meaningful for Lu to do. We do try and work in service all year long, but this is a good time to find projects.

I am working on the DS thing...blah. Meanwhile, is there anything you do that is special for Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate)? All my best traditions are ones I have borrowed from other people.....

Down Syndrome 101

2007-11-28T21:23:00.000-08:00

I have a big long post about Down Syndrome coming up (lucky you).

It is a short FYI for the benefit of friends and family and also to address some questions we have been asked. If you have a question you want me to include or are just curious about, e mail me and I will include it....

I am just polishing it up.....

We also think we have a name for her. I just wanted to name her as soon as possible (after very much NOT being a "name the baby in utero" kind of gal). We are thinking old fashioned and traditional and one that she can easily say........... we have a short list........

The stuff that comes out of her mouth...

2007-11-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

Lately, Lauren has been giving me lots of gems. It is like she suddenly decided to start using every phrase she ever heard on TV. Here are a few gems:

L-Mom, do you have a Countrywide Loan?

Me- No, why?

L-- Well, you should get one. They have no filing fees, no closing costs and no hidden fees. They are really good.

Me-- OK, thanks.

Take 2

Me-- Lu, I can hear you muttering under your breath. What is going on?

L-- Jacob is a vile old man. (not sure why.....).

Take 3

Me-- (as Lauren gets out of the car to go to school). Goodbye sweetie, I love you

L--Another day, another dime, another dollar (and closes the door)....

Take 4

Derek has been kicking around the idea of getting a new job. Long story for another post, but he currently has a job that he is doing really well at. He is good at it, he establishing himself as a real player in his industry and is being mentored by great people. It is the kind of job that pays obscene amounts of money, but requires nothing short of you soul. Having this baby has helped us understand that we need to restructure things and maybe look for a job that is a little bit closer, or allows him more sleep, etc.

Lauren caught wind of one of these conversations and after doing the hard sell to get us to move next to her cousins and Miles and Owen and Phoebe in Utah, she settled on finding him a job somewhere here. Each day she calls Derek and tells him about jobs that she has found around town. It is also a great topic of conversation for her "what should Daddy do?". This morning she saw a "help wanted" sign in front of Round Table Pizza. She was so excited to tell him about it. She also thinks he should work at Jamba Juice or the gas station. I get the feeling that she thinks that these jobs are SO COOL, she can't understand why he wants to look for another "money" job (we explained that she works in finance and helps other people invest their money).

So, if you know if any open positions at a Pizza Hut, a Jamba, a toy store or a book store, Derek's agent Lauren might be calling you.

She really is my sweet girl. It has been so fun to see her grown up personality come out.

Thanksgiving--by the numbers

2007-11-26T22:19:00.000-08:00

Did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? Is there anyone out there that DIDN'T have a member of the family throwing up the entire day? I haven't heard of one yet. Maybe that is the new Thanksgiving tradition of our country.

We went with my husband's family to Park City, Utah. This is handy b/c my parents live really close by. So does my best friend. In theory, this would mean lots of fun social things and babysitting and visiting with family. In a perfect storm of awesomeness...none of that happened. So here it is, Turkey Day 2007 by the numbers...

Number of times someone threw up-- many, many, many....

Number of times it was on the plane -- 80%

Number of most consecutive hours of sleep by me or D -- 3

Number of times Jacob almost died during the long weekend -- 3 (not kidding)

Number of fun pre-planned social outings I attended -- 0

Number of times I had to go to the stupid outlet mall -- 4

Number of gifts I had to return on Black Friday after being really organized and buying the Christmas presents for the in laws in advance, only to find out that this year we are drawing names -- 8

Number of children I was ready to sell to the gypsies by the end of the trip (or to anyone, really) -- 2

Number of times I either tripped, dropped something or otherwise found out that my body does NOT seem to want to obey my brain -- eleventy million

Number of very beautiful, very expensive, band new white suede couches that my daughter managed to spill Vitamin Water all over and totally destroy -- 1

Number of times I watched Shrek 3 -- 10

Number of times I stayed awake past 7:30 pm -- 0

Number of times I will drag the whole family back to Park City for a holiday, even though it is a really nice house and wonderful opportunity -- 0

That is us. I really don't mean to make it so complain-y, but it was pretty comical. It really was a perfect storm of evil. My kids argued and fought. They tried to kill themselves (twice being hung by the bunk bed rails, once jumping off the third floor balcony), they got sick, they didn't sleep, they wandered the house all night (once Cubby woke up with a full bag of Doritos's clutched in his hands...no one knows where they came from....) and generally were a lot of work. That is what it comes down to, I think. It wasn't that we didn't have a good time and want to see the family, it was just a lot of work. I don't want to do it anymore. Is it terrible if I play the Down Syndrome card after this and just bow out? Seriously, my kids can argue, almost die and puke at our house just as easily as anywhere else. Right?

Who am I kidding? We will be back in a month.

How was your Thanksgiving? Seriously, did anyone have a healthy household? I am curious.

The best birthday present ever....

2007-11-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

A little bird must have told you all that I had a birthday yesterday....

I had decided to stay in my jammies all day as a gift to myself. By the time I had gotten up to go to the door for the mail man for the third time, I just got dressed already! It was so fun to get all your sweet packages and cards and e mails and calls. In this house, nothing comes in the mail unless it is a bill, and if it IS a real card, it is a birthday invitation for my daughter. This time they were for ME!!! I never get packages either......

The point is, what a fun day and THANK YOU for all your kind words. It was the perfect birthday because I spent the whole day being reminded that even though I want to put my head under the sand some days, the world is full of people that are wonderful and kind.

The best birthday present ever (besides being showered all day with fun stuff) was that at my Dr. appointment yesterday we got great news. I had a bunch of ultrasounds and meetings with a cardiologist to see if the baby's heart is OK. 50% of children with Down Syndrome have major heart and intestinal issues that require surgery. We are clear. She is also really big (they tend to be small, gestationally) and have other issues with arm and leg bones. Nada. That was a great birthday present. Hopefully, no surgery. Also, on the ultrasound I could see that she has her dad's chin (think Jay Leno).

AND Project Runway started. How could a day get better?

More info soon....

Sick Day...

2007-11-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

Big sister has step throat, I am pretty sure Cubby has it too (the Dr. let me just call in and gave me the meds...she is great). L stayed home from school today. In the morning she was curled on the couch and miserable. A few hours later she came to my room looking for my "fancy shoes" and I know that the meds were kicking in. A few minutes later I came down stairs (where it had been suspiciously quiet for a long time) to find that the kids had built an enormous playhouse with blankets (complete with a toilet, a kitchen and Nerds for food) and were dressed up.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the first of many times when Jacob proves he will do ANYTHING to be part of L's big plans.

He actually was happy to be dressed up, in this picture he was mad b/c I wouldn't turn on the music until he took the picture.....

I am sure that this won't be last time that someone tells him he would be a very pretty girl. He reminds me of the kids I work with in Africa. Most of them keep their hair cut very short and you only know that the little ones are girls because they are all wearing dresses.

They turned on Nick Jr. Radio and played the songs and danced. They were doing a West Coast Swing style dance complete with the splits and lifts. Not bad.

Norah is in full swing of toddler hood. She is acting like a real 18 month old, climbing, getting into things (the dishwasher being a new favorite). She is standing more and I am seeing more progress with her. I know she still needs help, but it means that she really is coming along at her own pace. I appreciate the suggestions of the commenter's about her legs. We have done test after test and know her Vitamin D is OK and her hips are OK. Her eating is doing better too. She has days when she doesn't want to eat at all (except eggnog and cheesecake) and other days, like last night, when she ate two entire pieces of meatloaf. I think she looks chunkier.... we will see.

Today I have a bunch of ultrasound's to get a better idea of what is going on with the baby's heart and tummy. It will be nice to have that info.

Off to run errands. Kid updates coming soon...

Oh yes he does...

2007-11-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

He still loves salad. He eats it for breakfast AND lunch. Lately we have been having goat cheese, pomegranate seed and red onion w/ poppy seed dressing. But he will eat it plain too. His favorite food is broccoli. He bypassed McDonald's hash browns (what???) the other day and begged for fruit. He didn't eat one piece of Halloween candy and I have never seen him finish a dessert. I wish I could claim the credit for this, but this is just how he came. He also eats and loves pickles, sushi, mustard, BBQ sauce, Thai noodles, curry and anything else spicy or strange. Yet he will not eat french fries. Again, he is my most complex child.

He did, however, find a Costco sized package of gum yesterday and chew them all and leave them around the house....

I need to get more protein into this child. No wonder he is only two apples tall!!! Also, he is still pretty much always naked. It is a loosing battle.

Babysitter in Utah over Christmas..

2007-11-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

Greetings Blog world,

This is actually a want ad. I know that so many of you live in the SLC/Provo area I am hoping you can help me. My extended family will be going to Park City for the Christmas Holiday. We won't arrive until the 27th, but I think that the others will be there the 23rd-ish. We will be in town until the 3rd. We need childcare. I know that there is someone out there that one of you knows that would like to make some extra cash at the break. Maybe a student home for the holiday? Maybe a mom that wants to put a dent in the Santa bills? Anyone? We are trying to avoid using a service and really would like to build the list of people that we know who can sit. We will be visiting here a lot in the next few years and it would be nice to have a list of sitters.

Here are the details:
--Never more than 4 children, ages 7, 3, 18 months and 12 months. During the days, the two older ones will ski (usually) and it will just be the little ones. Evenings will likely be all the kids.

--Pay is between 15 and 20 dollars an hour, depending on how many kids you have (if it is one or two it is 15$, three or four is 20$).

--We need some days (while the adults are skiing/shopping/generally not chasing the kids) and some evenings. I think that you can count on New Years Eve. The catch is that I am not totally sure of the schedule right now (the days I could guess and are more flexible) but the evenings won't be pinned down until the first part of December

--The biggest requirement is that the sitter needs to have experience (and be able to let me talk to two people who can tell me how great you are) and be the kind of person who shows up and is on time. You will also need to get yourself to Park City. The house is just past Stein Ericson's Lodge and is in a gated community that is patrolled and plowed. It is very safe.

--Someone who is intuitive would be nice. If you need to feed the kids, be able to put a lunch or dinner together, be able to not worry when the 3 year old doesn't want to go to bed, be willing to chat with the 7 year old (and I mean chat and chat and chat). That kind of thing. Three of the kids are mine, one is my nephew. Pretty easy kids.

I would love to hear any and all ideas. I think that a high school student would not be the best thing but could be talked into it (I know SEVERAL HS students that are much more capable than college students). An adult is fine, etc. Just someone who will keep the kids safe and will not just "not show up". That is key. This is my ONE job assigned to me by the in laws this season and I need to represent. ;-)

E mail me if you want or leave me a comment on how to contact you. rebeccakbingham at yahoo dot com.

Thanks. This could be a really great opportunity to make some serious cash this month. My inlaws are all about leaving the kids with a sitter while the adults go do things, and who can argue with that? If they had their way, there would be a sitter there 24/7. I don't anticipate that one person would be able to do it all, so the more the better....

THANK YOU!

The thing about Norah...

2007-11-07T15:13:00.000-08:00

So I have been reading some blogs lately of people who have children with Down Syndrome. One thing that I have seen and liked is that they did a monthly update of their children. It was really helpful for someone like me to be able to read a chronology of how things went. Then it occurred to me that I should do this for my other kids too. We have an early intervention diagnostic appointment with Norah and I realized that I can't remember when she crawled, pulled up, etc. That might be why I didn't really notice that she was behind. Oops.

So here is an update on the queen. The grandma's will like it, it will serve as future reference for the kids (and me) and the rest of you might possibly be bored. I know that this blog is pretty much only about my kids now. That will change again soon. I do actually have other thoughts in my head besides that, but lately I have been in full-on survival mode and this is happy stuff. You really don't want to hear about the rest of it.... ;-)

Norah was born pretty premature. Somewhere between 5-7 weeks early. She was tiny, but left the hospital just a few days after birth. We knew that there could be some issues with her in the future as a preemie, so this is not much of a surprise. From the very beginning, this child has been 85% easygoing and sweet and 15% pure attitude. There isn't much middle ground with her. I also said early on that one thing I knew that was going to be an issue with this girl is motivation. How right I was. Last month Norah was officially diagnosed as developmentally delayed. Again, no surprise, but still hard to hear the pediatrician say. In true Dr. fashion, they listed all the potential problems and the need to get her checked out and see if she has mental issues, physical, etc. It feels like a lot. My mama gut tells me that she will be OK eventually, but does need a little bit of help right now.

Here is where we stand right now, at 16 months:

Language--As far as I can tell, Norah doesn't really attach any specific sounds to meaning. She also doesn't appear to understand much of what we say to her. She doesn't point (most kids do this at 12 months). She doesn't say "mama" "dada" or make animal sounds. She doesn't wave bye bye or seem to understand what we are saying when we say that word. Lately she has started to copy the tone or cadence of our words and repeat it, but I still am sure she doesn't seem to know what the words mean. I am not even sure she recognizes her own name.... well maybe. If I say to here "where is Jacob?" she will look at him. She does the same for Mom, Dad and Lulu. That is about it. Her first real "trick" is if we ask her "What does a pirate say?" and she will answer "agrhhhh". Sadly, she also says this for an answer to anything else it appears we are asking her. She doesn't appear to understand what the world "no" means. She has reacted to it a few times, but I am sure it was because of tone, not the word. We have to wait for the speech therapist to let us know what our language goals are with her, but it is pretty clear we have our work cut out for us here. The good news is that over the last few weeks, she has really started to "talk". She sounds just like the old school McDonald's character Rubble Rubble. Remember him? I know that my other kids did this MUCH earlier. The good news is that she is doing it now. I don't think there are hearing issues, but we will have to wait and see about that. She has also started to shake her head for no if she doesn't want something.

Physical Development -- Norah doesn't walk or really pull herself up on furniture. She doesn't walk along furniture. The few times I have seen her crawl towards something and pull herself up to get it is for the toilet, which she LOVES to play in. Dilemma--do we let her play in the toilet b/c it helps her practice and makes her legs strong or not? I haven't found anything else that is interesting enough for her to do that. It brings us back to that old motivation problem. She was a later crawler and sitter. She sat up at about 8 or 9 months and started to army crawl at about 12 months. In the last few weeks she has moved exclusively to hands and knees crawling. In the last 6 weeks she has also mastered going up from a crawl to sitting on her knees or flipping over when laying down and crawling. I know she COULD do these things earlier, she just wouldn't. She started crawling up the stairs at about 12 months, but hasn't done it since. If I put her on a chair or couch, stays there. She doesn't try to get down or even fall down. She just stays. Yet, she will wiggle out of the buckle in the high chair and be on the tray or counter in a second. So I know she CAN do it if she wants to.

If we try and hold her by the hands to help her walk she pulls her feet up and then cries. I got her a walker and she sits in it and pulls her feet up. She won't walk in it. Again, we are waiting for physical therapy to start so we can see what her goals are, but we have a lot of work to do. I think that this one is going to come, I really think she just can't be bothered. Good news--this week she found a baby doll in the toy box and hugged it, cradled it and put it in a bed. This is HUGE. Also, she found her shoes and tried to put them on her feet. This shows us that she knows what these things are and knows what they do. She has NEVER done this kind of thing before.

Also, she is a teeny, tiny thing. In the last few months she kind of fell off the weight charts and is firmly entrenched in "failure to thrive" territory. Our goal as parents is to get as many calories as possible into her body, healthy ones. It was only when I really sat down and concentrated on her eating that I realized she doesn't really eat that much. She isn't interested. We have been feeding her a lot of Greek yogurt (16 grams of fat per cup), Trader Joe's Belgian Chocolate Pudding (20 grams of fat per cup), eggs, half and half in the bottle, etc. It is an all day affair. Some days she eats more than others. We have a check up in two weeks and hope that she has put on some weight. If that doesn't work, I am going to crack out the Truffles from Costco and Doritos. She is still in 6-12's or 12-18 months clothes but wears size 4 diapers. She has chunky legs and arms, she is just really, really small. Except for her hair.

Socially, I think she is right on. She loves to play with her siblings and they love to make her laugh. She plays "games" with her dad that are special only to him. She loves to hear music and will bounce and sing. She can play peek a boo. She loves to fill and empty baskets full of things. A cup and 10 pieces of cereal will keep her busy for 15 minutes. She loves books and loves to be read to. She plays well with other kids but is very attached to me and to Monique (our nanny). She is a hugger and a snuggler and would prefer to be held than on her own. This is one area that I am not worried about her at all. Again, I guess we have to see what the therapist says, but I think she is right on target.

There you have it. The rundown on N's development. Of course there is much more to her than this, but this will help me to keep track of her progress. It will also be interesting to compare her with the next one. I keep hearing about how children with DS are delayed, but the timing seems to be about the same as Norah's so far, so no biggie.

Next up is Cubby and Lu, then some new stuff about the new baby and the new challenges. I am still processing, but want to thank everyone for your comments, your links to others who are a little bit farther down the road than we are and just the general kindness. It has been wonderful and helpful....

Happy Wednesday.....

P.S. Oh, her eyes. She does NOT need glasses. We will continue to patch her and in a few months she will have surgery that should straighten them out. Poor baby will be able to have both eyes look in the same direction. ;-)

Parenting tip of the week...

2007-11-06T18:51:00.000-08:00

You know how your kids haven't totally figured out the time difference yet? You know how your kids probably get cranky an hour early in the evening (is it just mine?). When my kids are tired the get CRAZY. Persnickety is the best word for it. I have a solution--though this might only work for younger kids. I imagine that there is a point when they won't do it any more. Probably about the same time they don't fall for "I am going to time you and see if you can run upstairs and get my remote/slippers/book in less than 30 seconds".

Here is one of our favorite games (and they still think it is a game. Suckers). Find what motivates them (money for child #1, Popsicles for child #2). Put on a loud song and tell that that whoever can jump or dance for the longest amount of time gets the prize. If you have really competitive children, your kids will be too exhausted to fight and will be THRILLED to sit and watch a movie.

Seriously. This one saves my life.

You are welcome.

Holy Hair....

2007-11-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

We have been keeping No's hair mostly in braids or puffs, but it is getting really long. When it is wet it is twice this length. When we get out of the bathtub she sits between my legs and all her hair gets combed out, oiled and lotioned. She isn't used to having it down any more and she kept pulling it out to look at it....

Norah has the most beautiful curls and her hair is still pretty soft. I think her curls are going to be the type that grow OUT and not down. It just seems to keep getting bigger. I love it down, but I don't love how snarled it gets from the car seat and naps. She doesn't love it when I have to comb all the growlers out, so braids it is for now. We have been using Curly Cuties products and have been really happy. They smell REALLY good and even though they are kind of pricey, they last a really long time. I can comb out all her hair very easily after the bath and in the morning when I use the conditioner and hair milkshake.

This is how she sleeps each night (braids or no braids). I think she looks so cute with her little do rag... and they are all pink, of course. I helps keep her hair from getting too snarly and her braids from getting too fuzzy.....

As much as I love Norah's hair and love to do it, I am kind of glad that this next baby will be bald as a cue ball until she is about two (if the genetics hold out and she is a little white haired baby like Lu was...). No hair to deal with. ;-)

Happy November....

2007-11-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

Halloween Fun.....

Norah wore her costume for exactly 13 seconds. This is the only picture of all three kids...

Lu is NOT a Doodlebop..she is Stephanie from Lazy Town....

(apparently she had to say that a lot)

Argggg. The obsession w/ pirates continues....

Lauren waiting for her dad to pick her up for the Daddy/Daughter dance at school....

They even had flowers... that was the best part according to her...

Nosi is obsessed with her dad's hats. Most of the time they won't fit over her hair.....

Jacob came down from nap like this (he loves to take his clothes off). He announced

"I a butterfly". I had know idea he even knew what one was. Or where he found those wings.

I had been feeding Norah. In the time it took me to grab the camera, take a pictures and turn back around, I found this. Doesn't she look pleased with herself? And yes, apparently my children never wear clothes....

So....

2007-10-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

He is a she.

She has Downs Syndrome. I know it isn't the end of the world, but I am going to take a few days to process. Anyone who has been through this or knows of someone who has please feel free to e mail me. We just feel like we are at the cusp of a big long road and aren't quite sure where to start.

My e mail is rebeccakbingham at yahoo dot com

See you in a few days....

Earthquake...

2007-10-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought I was being dramatic...

We just had a 5.6 earthquake hit, epicenter about 15 miles from here. It was the biggest one that I have ever felt. You have just enough time to wonder what it is, then get worried, then run for your kids. This time everything shook, things fell off shelves, etc. I forget that we live ON TOP of a fault line. Literally.

Is this stuff all to make the results of the test tomorrow seem anti climactic?

We don't have phone right now (it went out about 3 minutes after) and the TV is out. Blech. I have Internet though, time to catch up on all the ABC shows that I have missed.....

Filler...

2007-10-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

Some unbearable Halloween themed cuteness....

On Jacobs birthday we went to the greatest pumpkin patch ever. It is in Half Moon Bay, right on the ocean. It is the Disney of Halloween. Yes, I like to get my kids into holiday themed clothing (and they all look REALLY good in orange...)

Norah was not impressed with the hay or the pumpkins..... or the licorice...

Jacob thought it was all for his birthday. Score for mom. Check out his "I see braces in his future" grin.

Lets see if Norah does better with her older sister...... No......

This one is the cutest pumpkin in the patch......

How is Nono doing? Well, she isn't crying anymore, but she still wasn't too sure about the whole thing...she acted like any minute D was going to drop her in a pile of pumpkins......

Every year we take a picture of the kids with these cookies.....

and on these rocking horses.....

again, Norah was not impressed......

"Mom, I just love all these pumpkins"

"Do NOT make me touch these pumpkins...."

I also did the matchy/matchy dress thing for church. The dresses are orange with smocked collars and little spiders and witches embroidered on them. Yay for E bay....

It appears that Norah is as impressed with this dress as she is with all other things Halloween

"NOT FAIR".

I am not sure why she was saying this now but she was not happy about something. The closer she gets to 10, the more I see this face....

One last shot... this is another fun game in our house. First, put the baby in the shopping cart, then push it in a circle as fast as you can. Wait for baby to throw up (or not).

As long as No has her honey-bunny she is fine. She actually LOVES this game. Never a dull moment in our house....

That should tide you over until tomorrow. I am still on bed rest (having contractions--boo) and D is in Boston. I have the best babysitter ever, she took the kids to her house where they will play with her dog, get their hair done and generally have so much fun they will cry when they have to come home. I get to lay flat on my back and NOT think about how much laundry I have to do......

Tune in tomorrow for:
--Will she or won't she have to go to the hospital overnight to monitor the contractions
--Jacob as a butterfly
--How much of a mess does one small blog of yogurt REALLY make?
--Baby news...is he really a she? Is there a long line of therapy in our future?

Always a party at our house people. Don't be too jealous.

Are you kidding?

2007-10-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

Got the call last night that they didn't get the results back but would have them this morning.

Got a call this morning that because the lab is in San Diego, FedEx wouldn't deliver until today and the lab was closed last week anyway. It will be Wednesday, at the EARLIEST before we get results.

Can I get my money back? We paid extra for the quick test. Arggggg. Patience isn't one of my strong points.

Until then, I will put some Halloween pictures up. I just have to keep hanging in there (the cosmos likes to torture me, I think).

Today is the day....

2007-10-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

I might not make it to the evening.

Last night D and I had a long talk about what we thought the results would be. We both kind of feel like it is a done deal and we would be very surprised if we get an "all is well" report. I am not sure if this is self preservation, preparation or what. I didn't think I would stay pregnant either. When I went into the Dr. office and saw that heart beat, I was really shocked. REALLY shocked. So, I am not the best judge of character. We are both just really worried and scared about what the rest of our path will be.

I feel like that after tonight, after this phone call, our life takes a different tract. Really, it already is what it is and just knowing is incidental, but from here on out the paths lead to much different places. Also, I know that it will be OK. I know that like all parents, we will love all of our children no matter what and do what we need to do to help them be the best that they can be. We know that, but this is where we are right now. No trolls please. It is a process.

After all that the last 6 months have served up for us, part of me just wants to spend every waking moment on my knees BEGGING the Lord not to do this. I just keep thinking to myself "please don't make me have to do this trial, PLEASE don't make this part of my "test" and part of the lesson that I need to learn". I know it doesn't really work like that. Special needs kids aren't a mistake or a punishment, clearly. BUT, I desperately don't want this to be something that I have to think about right now. It feels like too much. The other part of me feels that I know how much this baby wanted to be born. I wouldn't trade or change any of my kids for anything and so I have to trust a little bit. But I don't want to. I want it to all be OK the way that I want it to be.

As I have slogged through the last months, I also remember thinking that I didn't want things to be the way they were. I didn't want to think about the things that I was thinking or have to do the work required to get me through it. That being said, where I am right now is a much better place to be, for all aspects of my family. For me personally, I feel like I have found my old self again and have made some major changes that will make a vast improvement on my life and my children's lives for YEARS to come. I feel blessed with where I am now. I am not a fan of the method of getting here though. Do I wish that I could have avoided the whole thing? Yes, of course. Could I have gotten to the same place without it? You betcha. This is the life I was given so that isn't really an option.

So, in that vein, I guess I am saying that while I know that if this child has DS, it will be OK. We will be fine and look back and think about what a blessing it is. But, I would rather not have to do that right now. I would rather just get a pass on this one and keep working on the other stuff. Selfish, selfish, selfish. But that is where I am.

Meanwhile, tick tock. I have the phone in my pocket and I just have to make to the evening... tick tock, tick tock....

Tests...

2007-10-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

Well, it is over.

The amnio didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It didn't hurt going in and just kind of stung while it was in there. Not too bad. Frankly, hearing the statistics was the hardest part.

I should have some initial results on Sunday evening. So we just wait. I feel very relieved now and think that much of the stress was waiting to take the test. Who wouldn't stress over the anticipation of having a huge needle put into their stomach? I am on strict bed rest for the next two days (because of course I am having every post amnio complication.... why not?) and I plan to read a lot and not put any children to bed. Heaven.

Also, the tech said she couldn't get a good shot of the baby to check gender and said she wouldn't bet on it, but it looked like a GIRL to her. I know this baby isn't a girl so we are going to wait and see just how those chromosomes turn out..... I think I am more prepared to have a Downs baby than a girl baby at this point. It isn't a girl. I just know it.......... of maybe my bat senses are now officially off.....

It never ends...

2007-10-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I can catch my breath.....

So last week was pretty crazy. I took all the kids in for their yearly appointments. Lu was thrilled to find out that she needs glasses. She has been telling me this for months and I didn't believe her (but to be fair, she also tells me she needs braces and a cast.....). Norah's appointment was stressful. She is developmentally behind. I know this. She also has issues with both of her eyes. They both wander and I don't think that she sees very well. The pediatrician thinks that she is "officially" developmentally delayed. Again, not a huge surprise, but still hard to hear. She is 15 months old and she doesn't walk or support her weight, have any words or seem to recognize any words, she doesn't do a lot of things that 9 month old are supposed to be doing. The good news here is that now that she is "official" we qualify to start on the rounds of occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, etc. We might even quality with the county for them to pay for some of it. Either way, we can have a game plan. The bad news is that this means one million doctor appointments. Gah. Norah has hit some of her marks late, but she has hit them. I am not sure if this delay is just Norah needing a bit of help and being on her own timeline, or if she really is not capable of learning to do these things.

She was also diagnosed at too skinny or "failure to thrive". Apparently she doesn't eat that much. I do feed her, but she is my third. I give her some food on a spoon, and often small pieces of what we are eating for lunch or dinner while she is in her chair. I just never paid that much attention to how much was actually going in and staying down. Not enough. So, I am supposed to feed her / offer her food multiple times a day and get as many calories in her as I can. Not as easy as it looks. She has rejected Ensure and will drink whole milk. I might move to half and half. I make her oatmeal with lots of butter and sugar and mashed potatoes with sour cream and butter, but would welcome any high calorie, healthy foods. A friend suggested Greek Style yogurt, it has like 20 grams of fat per cup. That is the right idea.

Yesterday I got a call from my doctor that she wanted to "discuss some test results with me". I had gone in for my 16 week screen (blood test). This pregnancy is considered to be on the low end of high risk. She decided to do all the screens to put my mind at ease and rule out lots of things. When SHE wanted to talk to me, I knew something was wrong. Usually the nurse just calls me to say "everything is OK". I immediately went to the Internet and googled the test to see what it could be. I learned a lot. This test is to screen out things like Spina Bifida, Downs and other neural tubal defects. Gulp. I also read that it only has a 65 percent accuracy rate. Many doctors won't even recommend the tests b/c it comes back positive and then people stress out and they get more tests and almost always everything is fine. It isn't worth the stress. Lucky me. When I talked to her, she told me that I tested positive for a possibility for this baby to have Downs. The test can't tell you if your child DOES have it, just gives you a probability number. In normal pregnancies for people my age (33) the changes are like 1 in 10,000. Often when people come back with a positive it will tell them their chances are 1:674 or even 1:68. Mine came back 1:10. That is high. High enough to recommend an amnio. I worry a bit about that because the chances of miscarriage with an amnio are like 1:150. Most of the time this is an option so you can think about termination. In the case of Downs, termination is not an option for me. There are, however, some other NTD's that would make me sit down and really, really think. Also, in light of all that has happened in the last 6 months (much of which is still being dealt with, daily, and it feels like an uphill battle most of the time...) and the Norah stuff, I want to know what I am going to be dealing with. Will I be dealing with one special needs child or two? Or none?

So, there you have it. We have the big test on Thursday. This was the day my husband and I were supposed to go to Disneyworld for the weekend (no kids) for a friends' wedding and a fun getaway. Instead, I will be having a needle stuck in my uterus and have to come home where I am not allowed to walk or lift for 5 days and hope that I don't have a miscarriage. Then I wait to find out the results. Then we can go trick or treating. Sounds like a fun weekend, doesn't it?

I don't mean to sound doom and gloom and depressed and in fact, I am doing much better today than I was last week (thank you drugs....). I just really feel that I keep getting knocked down and then I brush myself off and stand up again and then get punched again. I just need it to stop. No matter what the test reveals, it will be better than not knowing for the next 5 months. And, I still have a 90% chance that things are fine. And if they aren't, there are worse things. Prayers are always appreciated. Not for a particular outcome, but for peace and strenght to get through the next few days. Also pray for Jacob to suddenly be calm and stop figuring how to rip the childproof handles off the doors. And to stay out of the fridge. And to stop elbowing me in the chest. In fact, if I could outsource Jacob things would be much different in this house. :-) Any takers? Carina? JUST KIDDING!

If anyone has had an amnio before will you fill me in? How much does it hurt? Do I really need 5 days after to take it easy? Just curious. I just went to Trader Joes and loaded up on Pirates Booty (my crack), frozen Orange Stirfry chicken, stuffed pork chops, Korma sauce and Naan for easy Curry, Granola and Caramelized Onion and Gruyere pizza. Seriously, I want to marry Trader Joes. No "cooking" for me this week, but we will still eat very, very well.

I will try and post pictures of the pumpkin patch and the girls matching orange dresses. I have to down load them first........

P.S. Does anyone have a good book recommendation? I will read anything and will have some time on my hands. I would love to dig into a few new books.....

Good Times

2007-10-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

This is what my kids do for fun. They all LOVE this game.

(also see the new floors? the new rugs? the wall color? Help me decorate. I need pillows...more house pictures to come soon, but this is your sneak peek).

Don't pass out...

2007-10-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

really.

I know it has been about 5 months since I have posted. Sheesh. It only felt like 4. I do appreciate all the notes and inquires and well wishes that I have gotten on comments and e mail. You have all wondered how I was doing and where I was. My parents have wondered what their grandchildren look like. And all this time I thought that if I disappeared off the face of the earth, no one would notice until the children ate all the candy in the house, then the food storage and finally each other until the remaining child (I put my odds on Cubby) would wander in to civilization where the authorities would find me in my bed with reruns of America's Next Top Model on loop in the background.

So why the long break and what have I been doing? Let me give you a wee update. When I last left you, we were remodeling our house and living with the in laws. That was pretty great. They love my kids, they have plenty of room, Direct TV and each child got their own room. In fact, it was only after moving back that I realized the reason the big kids fight so much at home is because they are forced to be in the same room much of the time. If we only had a giant house where no one had to interact with anyone else. That would bring me the peace that I crave. Just kidding. Sort of.

During the time that we were at my in laws, there was a lot that happened. It was a blessing actually that we were with people who could help us. I am not going to share the details here, but I will say that over the summer our family experienced an earthquake. A tsunami really. Have you ever had an experience that was so huge, so mind numbing and earth shattering that you feel like your soul broke into million, billion pieces and it suddenly became too hard to think about breathing, eating or sleeping? Don't worry, no one is dying or anything like that, it was just a really, really hard summer. It was a summer that made me rethink and reevaluate my life and myself and my family and everything else that I hold dear. It colored everything with a changed my view of the past and possibilities for the future. It was all I could do to keep my head up, keep the kids fed and just keep plugging away. The good news is that we have lots of support and things are moving along. 5 months later, I feel like some of the pieces are starting to be put back together and that I can see into the future where things will be OK. Don't you hate it when people say big stuff like this and then don't give you details. If I was reading this, I would want details too, but too bad. It was a personal issue and it is getting resolved. I just wanted to share it because I know that we all have a point in our life when we realized that nothing will ever be the same again. It could be something that happens to our kids, or our parents, or death or a divorce or anything really, but chances are, we will have have that moment. It can feel like you will never be happy or peaceful or normal again. It isn't a picnic, but it is possible to find a new kind of normal with some help and support from people who know and love us. Just keep this in mind. I cannot tell you how much it has meant to me to have people in my life check in on me (both face friends and blog friends). To have people remind me that there is a world out there, that I am a decent person, etc. I guess I just want to say that if you feel inspired to send a note or pick up the phone, do it. Most of those that reached out to me had NO idea I was right in the middle of a really traumatic summer. Just be aware of those things and act on them. It is important. On to more important stuff. The kids.

Jacob

Jacob has finally stopped being a holy terror (mostly) and is a real boy. He is still a handsome little stinker, but has learned the skill of charming the ladies and can put on quite a show. He actually bats his eyelashes while smiling and saying please. He loves to perform (our current favorite game is the "pick up something and pretend it is heavy while saying "whoa" and weaving around). This one gets performed mostly in Target and the grocery store. The older ladies love it. I just think of it as street theater. He also knows how to push Lulu's buttons. He knows exactly which toy to steal or how to put her in a headlock and get the fastest, loudest reaction. That is just what brothers do, I guess. All too soon he will be teaching her swear words and I will long for the days when the biggest issue was how many of her Polly's that he stole. All in all, he is a fun kid. He just turned three this weekend and I wish I could say he is getting bigger, but he isn't. I long to crack out the 2T clothes. Maybe next year.

Jacob is obsessed with pirates. He wears this stuff all the time. Arghhhhh

He can still get into some trouble. This is how I found out he can climb the counters.

Lulu

Lu is now 7. She has lost one million teeth and begged me to let her cut her hair, so I did. The very last remnants of my baby are gone. She is a full scale tween. She has an opinion about her clothing (the nerve), what she watches on TV and all kinds of other fun things that make me realize that I really might have to send her to boarding school when she is 12. She is a big time second grader now and is a whiz at match. Spelling, not so much. She loves school and still doesn't seem to have too many friends, but doesn't act too bothered about it. She spends her recess time in the library helping to check in books or walking around the playground with one of the teachers. I am only a little worried about this. I worry if she is socializing well enough. The good news is that I know she is a sharp kid and that she is kind a sweet. She will get it. She is a great helping around the house and is currently keeping her room spotless in hopes of convincing us that she can have a turtle. It isn't going to happen, but I will enjoy the clean room while it lasts.

Lu would rather be up a tree and upside down as much as possible

Piano lessons will start soon. She loves to pretend to play. Lets see if she loves to practice when the time comes, eh?

Lu loves to read to the kids and Jacob loves to copy whatever she does...

Finally, a day of rain so she can use her umbrella

Lauren was in the ballet "Copelia" this spring. She was great!

Norah

I love afro-puffs in her hair, plus I can do them.

My sweet girl Norah. I know we aren't supposed to say this, but she is my favorite. For now. I am not sure if it is because she is currently the only child that doesn't sass me, she is always happy to see me and laughs at everything I say. Actually, I am sure that is why. Norah (or No-no as the kids call her) is a joy to parent. She is a pretty quiet kid mostly, she sings and babbles to herself much of the time. She loves to stand at the train table and play and eat things off the floor (less sweeping for me, yay). She has Jacob totally figured out and many times a day Cubby will come running to me to tattle on Norah. If he has something she wants, she just chases him and takes it. He isn't aggressive with her will let her get away with it and then cry. I have seen her corner him on the couch. It is better than TV. When N decided that she is not happy about something, we know it, the neighbors know it and even the most tortured soul in the pit of hell knows it. She has an unholy shriek that would terrify even the most hardened soul. Lucky for us she doesn't use her power very often. She is my only baby that is obsessed with the toilet. She is also a climber. She climbs from her high chair to the table, up the shelves, etc. So far she has only figured out up, not down. If I put her on the couch, she stays and is stuck. She can't get down but is smart enough to not want to fall off. It is heaven. I have also been doing her hair. I'll give you a sample. Warning: the best hairstyles were done by my babysitter. She is black and does amazing things with her hair. When it is all braided, she looks like a real girl and not a baby. Norah is also obsessed with books. I can hand her a magazine and she will turn the pages and rip it up and be occupied for a very long time. Norah has also been a little bit behind, developmentally, since she was born. At 16 months she can crawl but she doesn't try to walk. She can stand but doesn't really like to. It isn't anything to worry about yet and I am enjoying her being less mobile. My other two were early walkers, so this is great. Besides, this child can army crawl with 14 things in her hands faster than your kid can walk, so she gets the job done.

When your child's hair looks like this (complete with stuff stuck in it), you know it is time to keep it braided.

She has such a pretty smile. Look, finally teeth!

Check out the braids (I didn't do these). N was not impressed w/ the pumpkin patch.

Skeletor

Finally, this won't be news to most of you, but we are adding another member to the family. Yes, it is true. Just days after deciding that three kids was the perfect number I found out that I was pregnant (a funny and strange story on its own). My body doesn't tend to want to STAY pregnant, so when we kept going back to Dr. appointments and kept seeing a heart beat, we were shocked. Now, at 16 weeks, I believe it. I am still in denial (much easier to do now that the vomiting has stopped). We will have until April to figure it out. Yikes. Having three kids ages three and under is what scares me most. We will have three kids in high school at the same time. Wow. I am sure that it is a boy, but we won't know for sure for another month. I have also decided that Derek can name this one, I get veto power, so I don't have to think about names at all, which is nice. I pretty much named Jacob and Norah, so I will give him this one.

That is us. I'll start blogging more regularly now. I have lots of pictures and soon will put up shots of the new house stuff and Cubby's birthday, etc.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I hope you are all doing well. I have been reading so I am up to date on most of you..... have a great week.